Depression is kicking my butt
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 12-07-2003 - 10:41pm |
I am so depressed. I hate it. It keeps getting worse everyday. I am trying to be strong but the depression is kicking my butt and over powering me. I am financially unstable. I haven't been able to work for over 2 years due to my depression, anxiety and panic attacks. I have never been able to hold down a job very long due to my illness. It always seems to make me so overwhelmed that I can't deal with my jobs. Not working makes me feel like a real loser. I think like an independant woman but can't act like one due to this disease. I am so angry that depression exists.
My boyfriend says he loves me and says he wants to marry me "one day", but I am wondering if he will even be able to take care of me in times I can't work. Is it even far to a man to need him to take care of you financially? If I didn't stay with my bf I have now I probably would have a hard time finding someone who will understand my depression and love me anyway. Most men are looking for a women who works and is on top of the world so the woman can take care of them. I wish I could find someone who would accept me and be able to handle this depression and be able to care for me. Who wouldn't look at me as trying to take his money or as lazy.
My brother just died in November and that has been hard. I had to be there for my mom and no one has really been there for me through this. My daughter moved in with her dad about 2 years ago because she was unhappy with living with me because of my depression. She wants to move back in with me. I really want her back, but I am concerned about her handling my depression again. She was 12 when she moved with her dad and is now 14, a mature 14. I think she understands more now and I am hoping that will make things better this time.
I just wish I could be more successful in the things I want to do like working, be a better mom, be financially stable, and have a successful and healthy relationship with a man. I go to a new therapist tomorrow, maybe she will be a good one and will be able to help me through some of the problems I am having. When I get overwhelmed by this depression I can't think right and my energy level plumits. This is all just really getting to me. Thanks for reading! Hope you all are well and hanging in there.
God Bless!!!
Tina

(((((((((Firelightshimmer)))))))))), I have been where you are now.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v254/ladybug987/Signatures/springbutterflybarb.jpg>
CL-ladybug987