Crash..............and..........
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| Mon, 12-08-2003 - 12:47am |
Saturday, fate dealt me a resounding slap and as I nurse the welts that are rising, I reflect on what has brought on such a slap. I always knew that I would have some bad days and some not so good days but wow what a day! Saturday was the first full day that I have had at home in several days. I’ve been away at my oldest daughter’s new home, house and pet sitting. I had told my daughter that while they were away on a company cruise that the little ones and I would come and stay at their home. The deal was that as long as they had Internet access and a washer and dryer that I would stay.
Well, my daughter and her husband had a party just two days before they left and had attempted to clean up, the Internet service was not available and there were some problems with the washer. The little ones both came down with colds, which made it so that they could not go out and play with the dog but made it extra exciting for the cats. It was hard being all alone in a big house with just the two little one and myself but nice to have a place that was not so crowded or so chaotic.
After my stay at my daughter, I was looking forward to coming home. When I returned home it was so nice, just to be among my own things and to see my husband again. All was well until the next morning, upon waking I learned that my MIL had volunteered to baby-sit my husband’s co-workers daughter. She comes every morning and my FIL takes her to the baby-sitter’s. The co-worker does not drive and so he and his daughter ride the bus to and from work everyday. Anyway, the little girl is undisciplined and is a holy-terror. Of course, my two little ones caught wind that she was upstairs and the fun began. I had just cleaned up from breakfast and the three little ones wanted to come down and watch a movie. Okay, one movie could not hurt, beside my MIL had watch the three little ones for sometime before they came downstairs. As the movie starts, my husband informs me that my in-laws and he are going to put up Christmas lights. What and leave me with the three little ones. Well, that started a flood of tears, man were did the tears come from. When the movie ended the three little ones all wanted to go upstairs, no one is up there as they are all outside. I went upstairs to keep an eye on the three little ones. My husband and my in-laws where coming in and out and all of a sudden my husband ask me if I wanted him to get our Christmas stuff out. All I could do was cry the thought of Christmas brought out the thought that I do not have my own home to decorate. As my husband is standing there holding me my MIL walk in the house, of course she wants to know why I am crying and my husband explains. This makes me feel even worse. I do not want my in-laws to feel bad. I know that I should decorate for the little ones sake, but I just can not bring myself to even think about Christmas. The guilt that I feel is such a tremendous weight that I feel like it is going to crush me at anytime. Christmas time is mainly for the children, so why should I deny the little ones the pleasure of some trimmings.
Driving around today my son must have spotted every car, truck, or vehicle that had a tree strapped to it. He would say, “ oh look at that tree stuck to the car or he would ask, can we please get a tree too?” My poor husband did not know what to say. He would look at me with such sadness in his eyes that it just added to the feeling of guilt.
Now at the end of the day my MIL in such a Christmas mood has offered a free Christmas tree that some family friends have. The tree is in the couple’s yard and they are just going to throw it away. Now how can I refuse? I feel like such a scrooge.
As I am about to post, this post my MIL is back down here with offers to help move some of the stuff that has been in our way the whole time that we have been here. My husband seeing my distress has come to my rescue, telling his mom that she needs to give me sometime to think about it. How can I refuse, I have wanted to get this stuff out of our way but because it is not my home I have never had the courage to ask. Plus I never felt that it was my place to ask the things to be removed. Most of our furniture is in storage and we have had to use the furniture that was here before us but some of them have been in the way.
Well, I guess fate is feeling a little guilty about the slap. Why else are things working out the way they are? I have always felt that things do happen for reasons, I just do not understand how depression happen to stop by and decided to stay. Tomorrow is another day and let us see what it will bring. Hopefully it will be tears of joy and not of sadness.
Warmest Regards to all,
RainydaysArgon
| Mon, 12-08-2003 - 1:55am |
