New to the Boards, need help....triggers
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| Tue, 12-09-2003 - 12:27am |
When I went to college, I had a lot of the same feelings on and off. A lot of my worst feelings would be triggered by relationships with guys that did not work out. I switched colleges and moved to a different city. I never established a close network of friends and found myself in the same pattern of low feelings. Some days I would feel great and usually the low feelings hit hard at night. I would stay up very late and feel like my world was ending. By the morning, I would think back on the night before and feel stupid for being so upset. I would feel fine in the morning.
When I graduated college and got my first job, things were great for awhile. Slowly the same feelings would creep back from time to time. Nights have always been the worst for me. I loved my job when I first started, but about a year ago my boss left. I now have a new boss I hate and feel very out of touch when I am at work. My job is also very stressful at times because I am in charge of special events. We just had a very big event that required over 100 hours of overtime in less than a week. I have been feeling very very low lately, but I guess I have just been attributing it to the event's end.
Other things that have been going on in my life over the last year include a very messy divorce of my parents (it is still not over and it is getting messier every week), my mom has been going through her own severe ups and downs as the divorce progresses - she has also begun lying in order to turn people against my dad, I have been in a serious relationship for 5 years but am very afraid it is out of a need for security than love, I have gained almost 100 pounds over the last 4 years.
I don't know what to do. When I have good days I think that I am crazy to believe I am really depressed. I rationalize that I just need to lose weight, make friends, change my job. Then I have nights like tonight where I worry that I will never be happy again and noone knows how I feel. I took 2 days off work thinking I could get rejuvenated, but I have just slept until 12pm each day and sat around for the rest of the hours. Lately it has been overwhelming just to clean my house, do the laundry, shower & look presentable if I don't have to, run errands. I put everything off and then end up feeling terrible because I am so lazy and don't get things accomplished.
Please point me in the right direction. I don't know what to do but I feel like I need help if I ever want to live my life.
Edited 12/9/2003 12:44:11 AM ET by spatrick79

Welcome to the board.
Night is often the hardest time because it is when you are trying to relax and go to sleep. And that's when all the thought and worries start to "attack".
I think you should talk with your doctor about depression. There is also alot of helpful information on the internet. I have found that the more I know about depression, the more I can come to terms with what I am struggling with.
Take care
Pamela
I gained alot of weight because of depression. I would suggest posting on the compulsive eating board. It is a TERRIFIC bunch of girls.
SA