Why Do I Keep Doing This To Myself? Long
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Why Do I Keep Doing This To Myself? Long
| Wed, 12-10-2003 - 7:56pm |
I have and I believe I can say I am still doing fairly well with the new meds even though I allowed myself to get upset.I started getting thoughts but I talked and it has helped. I tried to call Kara my T but she was gone for the day. Irv was taking a nap and I didn't want to make him to get up. So I called Marty here at the library and talked to him for a bit and then Irv woke up so I told him I was going to the library to go online and he asked me why I was crying. This is why I ask in my title why do I keep doing this to myself. I am getting Medicare in March. It is up to me whether or not I want part B which if you choose to get part B they take the premiums out of your check.Irv and I after talking about it and our finances decided that I would take part B. A week ago I told my grandmother that I would not take part B because it was just to much money out of my check.$66.60 is what they take out for part B. I have a car payment that I have a yr and a half left on and that when I got this car I was able to afford it because I was working. Now it makes things tight but if I traded it in we would get a bad deal right now. Everything was all set. I signed the card put it in my wallet and it was all set. My coverage starts in March. Anyway, I called my parent's house and I got their voice mail and so I left a message just saying call me. Lexxy called me back and I talked to her for a bit. (She is my great niece who will be 5 on the 21st)Then she gave the phone to my mom. We talked and I told her that I decided to take part B and most of the time when I talk to my mom she manages to make me upset or hurt my feelings. Sometimes we have fun but often it is my hurt feelings. Anyway people including my therapist tell me she won't ever change. My neighbor Betty who I am close with tells me to spend less time with her. It tears me apart and I know they are right but somehow I can't make myself do that.I love my mom and after talking to her I started getting the doubts like did I make the wrong choice is this going to be worse for us then it is now(which to be honest I don't see how it can)and so on. I asked to talk to my dad and she said I wouldn't right now. He is a nervous wreck. You would have to know my dad to know what she means. He is remodeling their house. I said ok fine. Hung up and burst into tears. Irv and I talked and he asked me why did I feel the need to talk to my mother or tell her what I decided when we had already decided what we were going to do. He said your mom is like this everytime. I told him that I need to worry about him too and not just myself. He said we have made it for 12 years granted with alot of help from my parent's but the point is we made it. Even when people doubted it because of the age gap between us and I am talking alot of years ladies. He said I am 33 years old. I am a grown woman with problems but still a grown woman. He said I need to live my life and they don't need to know everything about my life. I have to say part of me agrees and part of me is like ugggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!! Anyway, I just wonder why I keep doing this to myself and will I ever stop doing this to myself. Thanks ladies for listening,. I know this was long but I had to vent. I didn't self-harm or anything so I feel quite proud of myself for that. Love and Hugs Andrea Got to go Marty is going to sneak a piece of pizza to me :)

Hi, ((((((((Andrea))))))))!
You've really been doing a lot better.
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