Feeling blue...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Feeling blue...
5
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 4:02pm
Hello,

I moved about a month ago and I know that is a major thing that can sometimes lead to depression. We moved just over a year ago across country and at that time my father had just passed away, the job market there was terrible and i had to take a huge pay cut and it took over 6 months for me to find a job and I felt like I was finally recovering from all of that and we moved again cross country.

What I am really struggling with is that the job I finally found I loved, the pay wasn't all that great but it was a job I loved and I didn't care. When they found out I was leaving they were awesome and decided to let me work from home which I am very thankful for. However, things didn't go as smoothly as we hoped and after going on 2 months I am still having the same problems and am beginning to feel they are never going to get fixed. I have started having thoughts like "I could find a job here making more than I am now and not have to deal with this" sort of thing but to be honest I just don't want to go through the interviewing for months like I did nto even a year ago now. It's depressing for me to even think about! I just want to cry when I think about it too. BUt it's to the point where I have kind of started looking to see what is around here so I know I am not happy. I feel obligated to them though because they went to such great lengths to get me set up here. When in realisty I tell myself I shouldn't feel that way because if they had gone to such great lengths then I wouldn't still be having the problem...right? I just don't know what to do!

With the holidays approaching I really miss being around people I know and having people over to celebrate the holidays together. We have met most of our neighbors and I wish I could say I could invite neighbors over for a party or something but to be honest I would be a little afraid. I won't even go into details on that one but let's just say it's an interesting bunch of people and I am very thankful we are only renting!

I just don't know how to shake the blues and I am tired of feeling like this. I feel like the last year and a half has been nothing but an emotional roller coaster and I am just getting to the point of being very tired and wanting off. There has to be something I can do to help and get cheery again.

Thanks for listening to me ramble...it helps just telling someone how I feel!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2003
In reply to: drmy2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 4:58pm
((((((((drmy))))))))

I can completely understand where you are coming from. I too just moved to a new city a little over a year ago with my husband and three kids. There are no family members or friends here and our neighbors aren't the kind you would want to socialize with. It's been pretty hard to deal with and to cope with depression during a stressful period makes it all too unbearable.

I have been dealing with my depression for almost two years and for a long time I just thought that I was someone who was hard to please and painfully pessimistic. It wasn't until the feelings of sadness and lonliness overwhelmed me that I finally spoke to my doctor about it. At the time I was 8 months pregnant with my third child, working and going to school full time and worn out. My life isn't particularly difficult but still I feel alone, sad, worthless and unmotivated. Some days are better than others but most are a turbulent ride on the "emotional rollercoaster". I'm fed up of being this way. I just want to feel "normal". It saddens me that I feel so alone when I have a house full of love. My kids are wonderful. They aren't bad or disrespectful and my husband is supportive of me, but even he has a hard time dealing with my depression.

A few weeks ago I began seeing a therapist and I feel better having someone who will listen and not take what I say personally. Also, this support group has shed some light on some of my darker moments. Even just by reading through the posts, I feel inspired and supported and most of all, understood. I hope that you will be able to feel better after reading this. Everyone here is here for you when you need it. Even if it is just to ramble......


Many Hugs,

Jaime

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
In reply to: drmy2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 6:59pm
Thanks Jaime!

You know, it's very strange for me to say that I am depressed. The people I know don't even realize it but inside I am just feeling torn in a million little pieces and just want to crawl back into bed most days and hide. I haven't felt like this in a long time but this week has been especially hard. I know what has triggered it and all but it still isn't making it any easier. I don't feel like I can talk to my fiance about it because he comes from a family where they just don't discuss these things. don't get me wrong...I LOVE his family to pieces...I would rather be around his family than mine. I understand why he just can't deal with it...he feels helpless and that he can't help me and that drives him crazy. So, I would rather not burden him with me telling him I think I am depressed.

The reason I say I think it's strange for me to say I am depressed is my boss is constantly telling me I am one of the most positive people she has ever met. How can I be positive and depressed at the same time?????? It doesn't compute to me. I struggle on a daily basis to stay upbeat and positive and yet inside I am just raging emotions that I wish would settle down a little.

Okay...more rambling for me today. I guess I am just getting it out of my system...thanks for listening again!

Have a great day!

DRMY

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2003
In reply to: drmy2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 7:35pm
I'm happy to be here for you! I completely understand everything. As for being positive and "depressed" at the same time....Well, as for me I find myself being the same way because, as my therapist says, I'm codepedent. I always do for others and make everyone happy and satisfied and put myself and feelings on the back burner. Of course, to everyone else I'm the best but deep down inside I'm raging with emotions. I just want everyone to leave me alone for a while. I don't want to do for anyone else anymore if I can't do for myself. It makes me sad, angry, anxious, resentful....you name it. So don't be confused by others seeing you as this happy and positive person when you're not feeling that way at all. It's normal I think for people to hide these feelings. Who can really understand and not judge?? It's a fear everyone has and for those of us with depression and/or anxiety problems, that fear rules our every thought, emotion, decision, reaction.....Hang in there! It will eventually start becoming easier to control and understand.


Love and Hugs,

Jaime

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
In reply to: drmy2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 8:22pm

Drmy;


Thank you for being comfortable enough to share your story with us!

Blessed Be!

Laure-co-cl on migraines & headaches

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
In reply to: drmy2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 8:42pm

Welcome to the board.