So Frustrated!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2003
So Frustrated!
2
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 7:12pm
This is the first time I have ever done anything like this. I have never reached out to anyone for support. I mainly tried to "do it myself", with the help of doctors and family who don't really understand what's going on inside my head. I wouldn't let the few friends I had know what was really going on. How could anyone understand? No one else in the world could possibly feel the way I do!!!

I am severely depressed and anxious, and have been for a long, long time. There, I said it. After years and years of going to psychologists and psychiatrists who have done nothing to help me, I think I have finally found a psychologist who is helping me work through my past issues, some from 25 years ago, and a psychiatrist who actually knows what he's doing. I just started taking my third medication from him, Topamax, last week. Does anybody have anything good (or bad) to say about Topamax?

My sympoms are so bad I can no longer work. My doctor put me on disability leave at the end of August. I cannot even do the simplist things anymore. I used to travel all over the world, by myself, for my job, and think nothing of it. Now I have trouble getting myself to the doctor once a week.

I am 46 years old. I am a Mechanical Engineer (or was before I couldn't work anymore). I've been divorced for 10 years and live alone. I have no children. My on-again, off-again boyfriend drives me crazy, he doesn't understand. I've had my hormones checked, I am not menopausal yet.

I am so frustrated, and desperate. All I'm doing is waiting. Waiting for the new medicine to start working. Waiting to start sleeping again. Waiting to stop crying all the time. Waiting to start feeling like getting out of bed in the morning. Waiting, waiting, waiting...

Being alone isn't helping me. I need someone to talk to. Someone who understands. Please help me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 8:38pm

Ky;


Yes, you did it, and you did it very well!!

Blessed Be!

Laure-co-cl on migraines & headaches

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 8:53pm


I know what it is like to just wait and wait some more.

Just a short year ago I was waiting all of the time waiting to find out what was wrong with my waiting to find a therapist waiting for a pdoc waiting for meds waiting to sleep waiting to get better wating for my life.

I too was always doing stuff always going places I never traveled around the world but I didnt sit still and then like as if someone placed a ton of bricks on top of me I froze I couldnt go places didnt have the energy to I didnt enjoy going out being with friends I could get up take a shower and go to work I functioned I guess I just went thru the motions I started to loose value in myself even more than the low value I already held I used cociane drank alot had sex with men I knew could care less about me I just gave up gave in I thought about suicide all of the time ended up in the hospital scared me straight and that was when I decided to fight harder for my life.

I have been fighting ever since each day is different but it gets better and I know that it will continue to get better as time goes on NOT JUST FOR ME BUT FOR YOU ALSO.

I still stu with the way that I view myself I feel that I a fat ugly ect...I take diet pills and work out I weigh about 105 and I am 5'2 now to alot of people I am too thin and I get told that all of the time but I do not believe that I feel tht I am single at 28 not because the perfect person for me hasnt come along but because I am horrible looking I am told that I am pretty or cute but do not believe any of it so my self image is very beaten up and brusied and I know that it shows on the outside and that is why I am alone who wants to be with someone who doesnt even like themselves.

I have stopped drinking alot maybe go out once a week no drugs and recently no empty sex.

I was at the bottem of the barrel just a year ago I am not perfect never will be I take meds each and everyday but I am slowly learning that I am worth it that I am lucky and that one day I will find love again.

You will be okay you will not be alone and you are worth this good fight.

I said in my post that I wouldnt have changed anything that has happened to me at all and it is true it has all of this has made me better strong and it will only make you better and stronger.

take care post alot.

erin