Exhausted, disappointed in myself...
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| Fri, 12-12-2003 - 12:53am |
Plus, I'm supposed to do it all over again tomorrow, at another similar (but much larger) event! At this point, I'm not sure I'll be able to get out of bed tomorrow. I am really feeling disappointed in myself for not being able to do even the simplest, lowest-end job, to earn enough money just to take care of my basic needs. I'm going to do my best, though, to go tomorrow and make it through...it's better than being dependent on my parents for money.
OK, guess that's it for now...hope you all are hanging in there...the job at least distracted me from my depression for a bit, but now I feel once again that I don't have much of a future. At least the place that was holding the party (a state botanical garden) was beautiful...I want to go back with my camera...it's only five minutes from my apartment, and I'd never been before tonight...what a shame! Maybe that means I should do photography instead of med school...but I'm still up in the air about that decision...
OK, I'm really signing off now, sleep well, all,
Rose

((((((((((Rose))))))))))))
Sorry that the pain is that bad right now!!
Blessed Be!
Laure-co-cl on migraines & headaches
I understand about you needing and wanting to work to make money to support yourself. I was thinking maybe you could find work that wouldn't involve physical labor that would flare up your fibro so bad. I know that stress and physical things can act up the fibro. Don't beat yourself up if you are unable to go back. You know what you can handle and what you can't. If you feel like you can push yourself and you will be able to cope than good, but if you are in pain and you know the activity will cause you to be in bed for days than that will just cause more depression. I would recommend finding work that is less physically stressful so you can handle it better with the fibro and in turn build your confidence and feeling a sense of independence.
That state botanical garden sounds beautiful and you should take a day for yourself to enjoy it and take pictures. Be kind to yourself and maybe even say that you are going to treat yourself for the one or two days you worked and made it through, even "if" it is just one day you were able to handle it with the fibro. I would consider doing the photography if that is something you enjoy. It would definately be less physically draining than being a doctor. You know what you can handle. I wish you luck on your decision for a career. Try to be fair and realistic to yourself when making your decision on your career. Sometimes we set expectations of ourselves that we can't handle and than feel disappointed if we can't follow through. I am in the process of accepting my limitations and adjusting some gaols I had set for myself. Good luck in making your carrer choice and keep us all posted on how you are.
Tina~