Lost it a little bit today- trigger

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2001
Lost it a little bit today- trigger
6
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 10:18pm
I think I am developing a little bit of a complex and it comes out when I walk my dog!

I didn't get my dog to make new friends but I always thought that having one would provide a gateway for conversation and/or friendliness with people I meet on the street. This has been true some of the time...but very often this is what happens when I walk my dog: I'll be approaching with my old Cocker Spaniel (she is not fearsom at all) and the other person will be approaching...and THEN get this, they will GO OUT OF THEIR WAY and cross the street to avoid us!

This has happened so much it's starting to make me feel kind of weird and, I hate to admit, but angry. Sometimes I'll say "my dog is friendly!" and with that they will sometimes not cross. It just triggers my feelings of something being very "wrong" with me.

Tonight was the worst. I have this neighbor who is so cold to me!!!! Usually I just deal and walk past her house and not say hello to her...but tonight I couldn't deal with the emotion anymore. She has a little doggy too (same size as my dog) and she crossed the street instead of passing me! It made me feel like a leper! So, while trying to deal with the emotion of it all.... I said loud "Is there something wrong with me dog?" Apparently something is wrong with me, I guess. This woman is not a stranger...I once even looked after her house. Then, I am so embarrassed, but I don't think she heard...I said "bitch" and how "cold" she was under my breath. I just had to release the emotions...why is she so MEAN????? Why is she so COLD????? I don't understand? Don't I deserve even a simple hello???? It totally triggers my feelings of nothingness and it's sooo painful.

I've been feeling so healthy and happy and then this happens and it makes me wonder if I need help. But I can't really afford my therapist right now...although I can go to emotionsanonymous...which I will try to do tomorrow.

I hate these feelings! I wish I could feel less angry at this cold cold cold mean scroooge of a woman!

Thanks for listening

Kristina

Soliel
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 10:37pm

I think there have been too many inicidents with people thinking a dog is nice and innocent and then getting hurt.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2001
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 11:10pm
Thanks Trac

Maybe your observation is correct in that people are less friendly these days.

I don't get it. I don't care to be overly friendly but giving a smile and maybe a little bit of eye contact and allowing your dogs to sniff (dogs need to see other dogs, too) is kind of nice. Makes our lives nicer...I can't imagine why a person would not want this!

I guess I can think of two reasons why people would be like this a) people are working very long hours and they maybe too fatigued or out of it to care b) they are just not used to friendliness in an urban environment.

Thanks for pinpointing the woman I actually know who purposely walked across the street. I was reacting to her rudeness. That is what bothered me. I mean, even if she doesn't like me does she have to make it obvious? Why go out of one's way. And believe me...I am an attractive person, I am not overbearing.. I am positive about this!

I am going to say something totally juvenile but it just explains how I feel:

MEAN PEOPLE SUCK!!!! (hahahaha)

Kristina

Soliel
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 11:25pm
Nothing is wrong with you or your dog, some people are just afraid of dogs.. Try putting a silly bow on the dog or a bright festive sweater. My dog used to scare people too, she is rather large, but when I put that big pink bow on her collar or put her in a sweater people seem to take the time to really look at her and realze that shes all fluff.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Sat, 12-13-2003 - 7:33am
I know when Im walking my dog...and another is coming..I cross the street to avoid any confrontation. Perhaps people you dont know that cross the street are really afraid of dogs.

People in diff parts of the country have different attitudes. I lived in Minnesota all my life. People always say hi...moved to Vegas..Nothing...not a look..never even knew my neighbors. COLD.

When visiting Miami Fl. same thing..no one says hi. So my point is who knows what others are thinking..but you sure cant allow anyone thats not friendly to wreck your mood.

Who the hell cares...your a happy person! I would walk by and say HELLO! and just keep going. Least that will happen is they might feel stupid for not replying or think your nuts! LOL

Take care...dont allow others to dictate your mood!

L
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2001
Sat, 12-13-2003 - 10:08am
Thanks for your comments.

I do have to say that I think it is really sad that people cross the street to avoid other dogs for two reasons 1) Dogs need interaction with other (friendly, of course) dogs. They get lonely just being around humans. We are depriving them of that when we avoid other dogs at all costs. You should see how my dogs little tail wags like crazy when she meets another dog 2) How sad because we lose a chance at a little bit more interaction that leads to community. It just takes so much of the fun away....why not approach calmly and check out the nature of the dog ahead? Then, once you know the dog you know they can meet and say "hello" next time without incident.

As far as the woman...she wasn't a stranger. She knew me, not well, but she knew me. So it's harder to not take it personal. And I agree to just be happy...it works most of the time but sometimes the constant coldness...I am not always that strong. Last night it was just too much...it hurt...sorry that is how it felt. I have a limit sometimes.

Soliel
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2001
Sat, 12-13-2003 - 10:13am
It's not that. As I said before, my dog is an old Cocker Spaniel she does not look threatening in the least AND the people crossing the street have a dog themselves, so they are not afraid of dogs.

In the case of the last woman, it's not my dog because I have passed by with my dog several times and she knows both of our dogs are OK together. She crossed the street because of me. She is just not friendly and very cold and, as much as I would like to not have it bother me...sometimes it does like last night. People who have triggers like myself cannot always take the highest road.

Kristina

Soliel