Left hubby and now have to live with him
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 12-15-2003 - 8:09am |
This may sound like i am rambleminng but, sometime that the way my thoughts come out. I am 42, left my husband in march. I did got got apt of my own but we ended up in same apt complex bad mistake. had to walk by his apt every day taking dig for a walk and sometime run into him walking our other dog.
I begin to get very depressed and axnity set in about running in to him. i got so bad the in the middle of the month I tryed to comite suicde and took all my medication. Had taken my dog over to him and he knew what I was goping to do. So, on that fri night I took pills lay down and when to sleep. I woke up groggey with someone knocking on door. I craweled to door to let the person in, all I could mange is to unlock door and pass out. I woke up and crawled back to bed passing out several time on the way.
I did wake up at 3 am on Sunday morring sat up looked around was upset that it didn't work and then saw myself in mirror and I had bused face and black eye. As I came more awake I had busied of hand prints on my arms and legs, breast.
I called my sister (who is 18 years older than me)she came over looked at me and I told her what I had done and she looked at alll the bruises and at that time i relized I had been raped. (everything was still in apt and jewerly on me was still their)
I someone way its a blessing to not remerber but a cruse bcasue I can have a vivid thoughts of what happened. I don't know how to feel about it. Its strange because i feel it was probbley my husband but we never know. Yes it was reported but the hospital messed up and the testing was done to late for any real evendince to be collected. I started my peiord and it was 12 hours before the came to do the rape kit. They said the evidence was comtamated and since i had been to the bathroom before they came and had to change pads while waitting for them to show up. Who could not go to the bathroom for 12 hours and not change pads while i waited in hospital for that 12 hours.
I spent 4 days in hospital(for ingery from beating) and then when to live with my sister.Was with her for 2 month and then apt caught fire, we were not able to save anything. And Iwas left to deal with everyone mother (who lives with sister) and sister she was lost and me. Apt complex, ins. aneny, fight dept(arson),red cross and everyone else. Plus planing on how to replace everything we could. I wasn't working was on leave and so I bore the burden.
Then went things start to get better sister starts to have a break down, and refused to take her meds. So the next thing I know she is in a manci and blaming me for things I had no control over. That the gernerous people with doations my mother and me ended up with the most clothes. And other things like that things I has no control over.
Boy, I was coping and praying that she would pull out of it soon and then my baby dog (she was 14 would have 15 yrs old in Jan) had a seczire. Watched her for the day and she got worst and so off to the vet we go, she has a brain tumor nothing i would let them do at her age. So, it is just a matter of time hours days weeks months.
After a week my husband asked to spend some time with her and i refused to be with out her. so off I go to spend a couple of weks over their. After marriage of 24 years and 14 years with dog he deserved that, he loved her to.Told my mother where I was going and called my daughter and she knew wher i was at.
I when over to pick up a few thing and my sister demaded her keys back i was been asked to leave my things had been packed and i was told the bed the red cross payed for was her not mine, that my bed burnt up and i didn't have one now.
Lucky my huband was their so he took me in so I would not be on steets.
I went out and found a new job and was set to go in for trainning and the night befoe my baby died in my arms. Cryed all night. We, got up next morrirng and took her to burried and so we buried her and I went to trainning for new job. yes put the last shovel of dirt on said a prayer and then on to new job.
I was so upset i forgot to take my meds and started having side afts of being of them so their when my frist week at work.. Their went that job.
All, I can think of is going back to school in Jan. I want to stay here and make him put me thought school for a year. He dosn't care if i stay here but he wants me to go to work and not go to school. I raised our kids worked at any job i could find. Cooked and cleaned. Raised our frist grandkid until she was 3 and worked and made sure daughter finished school and put her thought college.
I don't know what I am to do. This is not a healty living ssitutation, i am depressed here and is hard for me to have any movtation. Boy am to scarred to be out on my own. And even if I do it will take months to get the money to move and then where is my school plans too.
I'm also having to deal with the fact my kids now want nothing to do with me. I have no money so now they have turned to my sister for everything. So, thankgiving came and went and no word husband birthday and then mine and still no word. Have not seen or talked to them since frist on Oct. I have called them but it is hi and bye we are busy.
Thanks for listening(reading)
tamthompson@msn.com

I am sorry to hear of all that you have been through. You definately don't deserve any of that.
So are you divorced? And you are living with him? And is this the man you think raped you? You don't have to answer if you don't want, just trying to clarify what I read.
Do you talk to a therapist or anything? It really helps when you have someone to talk with.
I am looking forward to getting to know you better.
Take care
Pamela
Tanks for the welcome. No, we are not divorced yet, for the purose of ins. I haven't been working much since then being in the hospital. I have been very unstable since then. My dr has changed my meds. several times. I think it might have been him but I don't know for sure since I was out the whole time. He has never done anything like that in 24 years of marriage but other think he snaped that night. I will never know what happened.
Now I worry about how I am going to get on my feet. And if I can make it out their in the real world. I am getting to the point I would rather be in the house than leave.
Of couse that steem from the fat that i am not suppose to be here with him.
Tonight I am down so I don't want to write to much. Trying to keep things real instead of the warped thoughts. That is so hard for me sometimes.
Thanks for repelying to my message and I look forward to getting to know you to>
Tammie