"Bummed".... Need Advice Please.........

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2003
"Bummed".... Need Advice Please.........
4
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 7:41pm
Hi Everyone,

Sorry I have not been around, but we have been so busy lately. Our tree is up and as I feared the little ones will not leave the tree alone, they are constantly at the tree and it is driving me nuts.

Okay, on to the stuff that I need some advice on. As most of you know we are in the process of building a new home and please if any of you think this is fun or wonderful, think again, it is a nightmare. We have had problems from day one. We are now in the process of having the home framed and my husband (thinking that he should be his own “General Contractor” on this project) has bitten off more then he can chew. On top of working all day at his day job, he also has to schedule meeting either before work or after work to meet with different people for different steps in the process. He also has to drive out to the property very few days to deliver material needed for the next day. When he is out there he will check on the progress and on several occasions has discovered different mistakes that people have made. He would have to call and talk to the person and most of the time gets them to fix the problems, some of the mistakes we will have to live with. With all the stress that he is under he is not sleeping well and is nervous most of the day and I think that my depression has also taken some toll on him. My husband and I have been each other’s best friends. We have always been able to tell each other everything, until now. He does not know how much of the house construction problems that he can confide me. To be honest I do not know how I will react to anything at any giving time so this makes it hard on both of us.

On last Friday, they put up the trusses but of course, there were problems. One of which was that the man delivering the trusses was supposed to boom the trusses in to place. The man was so incompetent, that he did not posses the knowledge on how to climb up and release the straps that held the trusses in place. One more mistake is, three of the trusses were made wrong and they could not be put in place. Now the Truss Company will need to be called and time will be lost in waiting for them to be made right. My poor husband had to spend most of the weekend gathering material and delivering it to the property for Monday’s work. In one of the trips, he asked me to come along to take pictures and to see the progress.

The house is now in the framing process so when you are looking at it, it looks like a giant skeleton in the shape of the house. The house also has some sheathing on it, this makes the house look like it has skin. I was excited to see the progress. When we got there my husband ran off and measure several things but when I arrived at the opening that is to be our main entrance to our house he became like a small child with a new toy. “Come on, let me give you the grand tour,” he said as he grabbed my arm. “See here is the main entrance and here is the staircase leading upstairs,” he indicated with a swipe of his hand. I could only see how close one of the main doors would come to the staircase. “Here is our living room and living room window,” gesturing again with a swipe of his hand. “Oh my goodness its smaller” then what I though it was going to be. The next room that we viewed was a small guest closet (bathroom) off the living room this room was the size that I had picture in my mind. Next, we walked through the doorway of the sitting room adjusts to the master bedroom, this room was also as I imagined it should be. Upon entering what will be our bedroom, with my husband chattering away about the walk-in closet, I was stunned with the lack of space that our king size waterbed and the dressers is suppose fit into. We finish with the master bathroom which all I can see was the lack of space. Stepping through the framework of the master bathroom, we go back through the living room and proceed to the kitchen. It looked big but as I start to fill it in with cabinets in my head, the room started loosing space. The kitchen will have to do; I have had smaller ones in the past. As we finish the tour, with my husband gesturing wildly in his excitement and me struggling with a very unhappy two year old in my arms. My disappointment sets in, this is my home and it is not what I had in mind. We have had to make so many compromises, like the countertops, flooring, losing 5 inches in the master bedroom because of a miscalculation on the part of the framer, the laundry chute in the upstairs bathroom because of the designer’s mistake. The icing on the cake for me was, as you walk into the main entrance and look up you see a truss handing there. If you are not sure what a truss looks like, they are made of several pieces of wood in differing lengths held together at the joints by metal braces, the truss engineers determine the shape, in other words ugly. This truss is to be exposed, as there is a dormer with windows on the second floor that let in light to the living room. The dormer was an adjustment that my husband makes for me, to let in as much light as possible as I have such a need for “light.” The truss has to be there as it is a support truss and the only way to hid its hideousness is to sheet rock it. Therefore, when you enter our home and look up you will see a wall floating the in the space. Great, I guess I can tell everyone that “Harry Potter” put a suspending spell on the wall.

My problem is that with all that my husband has had to go through just to get us this far, how can I tell him I am unhappy with the look of the house. It is too late to change the size or the shape. We have no more money to make any major changes. I am just stuck with the way it is and I am the one that will be in the home the majority of the time. I do not know maybe it is just the depression but this house thing has not been going well for sometime now. So do I just “live with it” or do I tell my husband how I feel. As I reread this, I feel guilty. What do I have to complain about, I am getting a new home but still I am the one that is there 24/7. What to do? What to do? Thank you for reading I do not feel that I can talk to anyone in the family as it will be public knowledge in no time and I really do not want my husband to get hurt. Please any advice would be appreciated.



Warm Regards,

RainydaysArgon




Edited 12/15/2003 11:59:41 PM ET by rainydaysargon

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Please don't worry too much about your new house right now. My husband and I built a new house last year, and it was so much worry and trouble we promised each other we'd never do it again! All the little imperfections seem magnified while you're building; and houses ALWAYS look smaller when they're framed--wait until you see how much bigger the rooms look when the walls are up. (I don't know why that is, but other people who have built their homes have told me the same thing.) I love our house now, and it grows on me more every day. After a while you forget about the compromises you had to make (we had to lower some ceilings to make way for ventilation pipes, which really upset us at the time), and you just come to appreciate all the things you planned for that do work out. Like that dormer window--I'm sure you'll love all that light pouring in! :) It sounds like your dear husband is working really hard, and that your new house will be something he's proud of in the years to come. Remember too that our depression makes these times more difficult for us than for all the lucky non-depressed people. :) Best wishes to you and your husband, I'm sure all your hard work will pay off when you become settled in your new home.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003

Sweetie!


I know there are lots of problems with the house but remember its still under construction... things will look sooo different when its painted and decorated.. even that ugly truss maybe done up in a dark wood stain and perhaps some unique decoration to it may due wonders...


Im sure too that if you stated on the floor plan a bedroom size that will accomodate your bed it will fit... I have been in homes under construction and they look weird I know.. Try to relax..


What if you nicely suggested to your husband that he get someone to help him with all this? That you know how hard he is working and maybe sharing some of major stuff with a carpenter will make his life easier too and he can still have a "say" in things.. just a thought!


Lots of HUGS and support!

*hugs

*hugs             

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2003
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!

After reading you response, I cried and a great relief came over me. It is like finding someone that real knows what you are going through. My husband and I have also said that we will not built again. The stress is just too much on the both of us. After writing my post, I thought about the floating wall and I have concluded that it may make a great conversation piece. I mean, how many people in this world have a floating wall in their home. I know the depression make everything seem so much more out of proportion and I will have to work harder on not reacting. I would just like to say thank you one more time as you have relieved my anxieties.

Warm Regards,

RainydaysArgon


http://pages.ivillage.com/rainydaysargon/

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2003
Oh Caly,

Thank you, I am feeling better about the house today. I just let my anxieties and the depression get the best of me. The house design is my husband’s own design but when he got to a point that he know that he could not put it to blueprint without help we turned it over to a designer. My husband had a little bit of a time with the designer as the designer wanted to change the design but my husband stuck to his design with only a few necessary changes. My husband is so excited to see his idea come to life, as he should be.

We have concluded that we will have to sub-contractor more of the work out as my husband will not have the time to do it himself. This will mean that he will have to keep a better eye on the sub-contractors and our stress may increase for a time but the out come will be getting to our goal sooner.

I have concluded that the floating wall will make a good conversation piece. How many people do you know that has a floating wall in their home? I know that I will have to work harder on not over reacting. There are just days that I am so over whelmed and I react before really thinking it through.

Thank you for all the hugs and support, I just seem to need a little more of it right now!

Warmest Regards,

RainydaysArgon