Hi all!! New here....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2003
Hi all!! New here....
4
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 5:27pm
.....but not new to depression!! I have been a depression sufferer (or should I say survivor)?? for about 14+ years. Here is my question to everyone - do you ever find yourself having anger outbursts when feeling very stressed/overwhelmed? I hate when I do this, although I have to say it is better than it used to be, but right now between the holidays, and financial difficulties, and just feeling in general overwhelmed, I am having these outbursts more frequently, and I hate the way it affects me and my family. For example, yesterday I had an extremely busy day. To make a long story short, first let me tell you I work from home, as a medical transcriptionist. I work two jobs, one full time and one part time, 60+ hours a week, and I work every weekend. This is stressful in itself, but I am very fortunate to work from home. I have a 15 year old daughter who is sometimes challenging, to say the least. In general she is a good kid. Last year she was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and ADD. She sees a psychiatrist once a month, it is a 45 minute drive away. They never have evening appointments available, so I have to take time away from work and take her out of school early every time (you would think a dr who sees mainly kids would have some night appointments??? ), also she sees a therapist once a month (down from every 2 weeks which is good), she is a 30 minute drive away. Yesterday it so happened that both of these appointments were on the same day. So, I worked all morning, got ready and had to scrape all of the stupid ice off my car which aggravated me, went to the psychiatrist, on the way home stop at the pharmacy to drop off new scripts for daughter, then back home by then it was around 4:00. Try to finish some more work, before we leave for therapy appointment which is at 7. Daughter and I get into it at the therapists office because she wants to go out when we get home, which will be almost 9 p.m. !! Instead of just saying no, I go into a huge fit, which was stupid. Leave the therapist's office, drive back toward home, drop her off at friend's, stop at store to pick up prescriptions and need a few groceries, by the time i get home it is 9. I have more work to do, I am so tired can't see straight. I know this is turning into a book, I am sorry just need to vent so bad. Today, try to have a better outlook, working through the day, in the afternoon mail comes and my check was due to come from my part-time job, it comes by mail. It was not there. I am flat broke and counting on this for a ton of things. I go ballistic, yelling and screaming, slamming doors, yelling at daughter and boyfriend, and telling everyone to just get away from me. Now, it certainly is not their fault, and there is nothign they can do about it, and I know this. Then, son calls me, (he lives with his dad, almost 18 y/o), needs to borrow money for mechanic for his truck, I have to tell him I do not have it, check did not come, I am freaking out thinking the check is lost and I will have to wait forever for a new one, saying I am canceling xmas, acting like an idiot.

So, now that I have babbled incessantly, does anyone else experience this with the anger outburts, adn any advice on controlling it!! I am on medications for the depression and Anxiety, I just feel so overwhelmed, so tired, I want a vacation from my life!!!

Thank you for listening,

Wendy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 7:51pm

Welcome Wendy,


I had to stop and look at your post for a minute.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2003
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 11:08pm
Welcome to the board Wendy!

I have a temper myself. I am not sure if depression has anything to do with the anger issues.

I just wanted to say hello and welcome.

Take care

Pamela

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2003
Wed, 12-17-2003 - 10:11am
((((((((((((((((Wendy))))))))))))))


Welcome to the board! I'm sorry that you are having difficult times. I can understand what you are going through with financial difficulties and it being the holidays and all. And the angry outburst....Well, let's just say that I have at least one a day. I get so stressed out (and I do not cope well when stressed) by our finances, or lack thereof, and bouts of depression and anxiety that I just explode with anger. My own self prognosis is that because I feel like I have no control over anything in my life or how I feel from one day to the next and essentially am powerless, anger makes me feel empowered. I know it's for all the wrong reasons but when I'm angry I don't allow myself to feel sad or unaccomplished or worthless. I've been trying, like you, to lessen the frequency of these outbursts by thinking of how I should react to stressors before just getting angry. It doesn't always work but I'm learning how to control it.

Just wanted to let you know that you are not the only person who reacts the way you do to stressful situations. Hope to see more of you on the board and wishing better days for you and your daughter.


Jaime

Avatar for all_girls4me
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-17-2003 - 10:50am
Welcome, and no, you are not the only one. I find myself having screaming fits, which I absolutely hate, because it makes me look like my 3 year old....lol. But sometimes I can't help it. You have a lot on your plate and being depressed just makes it worse.

You are not alone..Hugs Ilka



Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket