Facing the aftermath...
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Facing the aftermath...
| Thu, 12-18-2003 - 12:26pm |
After we made sure he was at his parents, my sister and I went back to the house to pick up some of my belongings for a night or two...and my puppy. We got the pup. from His sister, I guess he called her to say how horrible I am and that he was taking him back, they told him I could keep him:) YAY! And what a help he has been. After I spoke with the deputy yesterday, I was urged to file for an injunction against him...but now that I've slept on it...I'm not so sure. It might make him more upset. The last thing I want is for him to get in trouble b/c of me. But when I walked in that house...my heart just fell to the floor, and I think its still lying there. There were holes in the walls in several places, tables and chairs were turned over and broken into pieces. He shattered out a window. I even found out that he had a spare key made for my car that I had no idea about...and still has it. He broke a peice off of my computer and ruined...completely ruined my dad's camera...(that I love considering my father passed away, and the bastard NEW how much I loved that camera) It's like he went out of his way to ruin what meant something to me, he even left a nasty note since no one would allow him to talk to me. I took pictures of everything that he ruined and kept the note. I took everything of serious sentimental value. I figure I'll clean up a bit today after work. It was so sad. I feel like...immense hurting inside. I'm definately greiving. I know its normal, but it hurts so bad. I miss him, but the Him I knew before. The romance and tenderness. How he took care of me whenever I was sick and in pain. I feel like I've done something horribley wrong for him to react the way he did. Like, What could I have possibley done to instill so much hate into one human being. I'm shaken up, but back at work, and carrying on with my day. I'm miserable inside...I don't remember ever crying this much...not even when my dad passed away. Maybe b/c that wasn't someone trying to hurt me and cause me pain and suffering...I just lost someone I loved more than anything. Its a similar feeling...just a bit more stabbing at times. I'm terrified for the future...but BRING IT ON! I've gotten through much worse than this, and I have the best support group at my sister's. She made me dinner and we made s'mores. It was nice to belly laugh a lot, even though it was in intervals with my sobbing. I know I'll be okay eventually, I'm just lost in a world of hurt. I wish he'd get help. I wish he'd sweep me off my feet. But even if we did try to work things out, I wouldn't let him live with me for a while, and I'd be sketchy until he got help. No matter what, I guess this is my time to see what I'm truly capable of. I don't have a lot of confidence in myself especially on my own in a strange place (kinda). But, I found cute apartments for 400-something a month. Not too shabby. Thanks for the moral support. You all have made me feel a lot better knowing that I'm not overreacting and that it really is such a hard thing to deal with. Thank you all...Love and Hugz to all you crazy kidz:) ~~Sarah~~

I understand exactly what you're going
Ruth, Single Mom to
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Sarah,
I know that I sound like such the cliche but you will be okay and the pain will go away.
You are gonna do so great on your own watch and see.
You did nothing to instill any kind of hate into anyone I dont think that he hates you I think that he is hurt confused scared and you did none of those things to him he did it all to himself. You were very smart to get out of there I know you said that he wouldnt hurt you but what if durring his fits he throws something a table chair glass and it hits you and hurts you or worse you were so smart to leave, maybe that will open up his eyes and make him get the help he needs.
I am also happy that you got your puppy with you I have my baby lola whom I got last november and she has been such a huge help to me at my worst times I have had some of my best talks with her and the love you get from a puppy is so great I am happy you also have a great family who loves and supports you that is awesome.
Good luck to you your going to do great.
Erin
(((((Sarah)))), I am concerned that you "don't want him to get in trouble because of me".
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