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| Thu, 12-18-2003 - 12:58pm |
When I read the note I got to two conclucions . This note could have be written by my ex boyfriend or by my co-worker (the one that lives near me and wants to bother me as I already told you, I got to the conclucion about my co-worker since she knows about my ex and maybe she wants to give me some illusion just to hurt me.
Anyway, the thing is that I was very thoughtful as I was driving to work and all my feelings started to resurface again. As I told you already he's the man I have most love in my life, but I have already made a desicion to move to Boston on February. I have already sold all my furniture (thank God for that), I already resigned to my job effective on 01/16/04 and on january I will be moving to my grandmother's house until I definitively move to Boston.
And anyway the reason I first broke up with him was because I suspected that he was back in drugs (he told me that a few years ago he was in drugs and God helped him get out of that)(but this situation was an on and of one for him and because of that his wife left him and he suffered a lot) Actually before he met me he had been trying for four years to win her back but he couldn't. And I was the first person with wich he went out since he got divorced.
After 1 month of been with him he told me that he have give God a date to respond a prayer for him to get back with his ex and that he had to respect that so I decided that we had to separate since he still have feelings for his ex. At that moment I decided to forget about him. But he couldn't forget me so he continued calling me but I treated him like a friend and because of that he seemed to fall more in love with me so we got back because he told me that he have had decided to be with me and I was the one that he really loves and that his ex was just an illusion of healing all the damage he have caused in the past to her and his 8 year old daughter.
His 8 year old daughter was very nice to me and I tried to gain her confidence by treating her like a friend, with this everything was just fine the BIG problem was that she was PRETTY JEALOUS of me and we as a couple had to act as friends when with her, we couldn't even see eye to eye or sit next to each other (wich was almost all the time), he was asking me for time for her to get use to it but things were getting worst and worst in that aspect and I was exhausted. I wasn't feeling OK with the idea of treating him like a friend almost all the time. I'm patience but not that much.
Anyways on November I went to Boston but before I was leaving I started to notice like if he was using some kind of drug. He was speaking as if his tongue felt heavy (I know about this things cause my brother use to be in drugs). So before I left I decided to broke-up, but since when you are deeply in love you get very blind I called him every day but he didn't answered until one day that he left a message in my cell phone telling me to call him when I got back from my trip.
I called him when I got to P.R and he told me that everything had ocuured to quickly in our relationship and that he wasn't gonna accept from me to hurry his daughter to accept me and that he wasn't gonna accept that he was in drugs cause he wasn't and that I was sent by the devil. That hurted me a lot. I know he must have been in drugs cause before I went to Boston I talked to his church pastor and he told me that he had also notice some kind of strange behaviour in him lately and that possibly he was back in drugs.
Sorry for writting so much but I wanted you to know the whole story. The thing is that this note got me a little confused this morning since I'm still in love with him but know that because all the things I've said we were'nt meant to be together and I don't want this to interfere in my plans to move to Boston (I want to start a whole new life). So I wanted to hear some advice from you girls. Hope to hear from you soon!!

I just wanted to say hi and send you many ((((((hugs)))))).
Take care
Pamela