crash and burn
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crash and burn
| Thu, 12-18-2003 - 10:39pm |
well let me start by saying this is the first time i have posted here. all the other times i've just had to basically keep everything in or just write it all down on paper and then throw it away... anyways, i am a newlywed, been married for 2 months now. my new husband and i had some financial difficulties before we got married because we lived together for almost a year. little did we know that when we said I do. Things we start to crash... Financially we have gotten worse. To the point where we can't even put a dent in the bills anymore. He hurt himself at work so he gets paid less until he gets better. I don't have a job as of yet, still looking. I had to go to the ER back in mid nov. because of bleeding issues. turned out it was only me making up for not having a period since may. however a month and a half later, I am still bleeding and the gyno can't see me til jan 29th. when i went to my er visit, i also had a bladder infection, which they told me that it was so bad that if i didn't get it taken care of it could become deadly. well tonight, i wanted to go get checked out again but hubby didn't think i cared about it that much so he didn't take me. I've been spending my days as of late sleeping all day long and getting up trying to eat something but not being able to eat much at all. Almost went back to smoking, trying not to continue with that, which isn't hard seeing as though we have no money. I also had $15 lying around the house for groceries, but when i helped out a friend, and then she left, my money was missing after she was gone. So I'm getting blamed for that too, because I can't pick my friends right. With christmas time being right around the corner, I'm happy that my hubby got me a tree and let me decorate this year, but not happy at the same time. Sometime next year I will be leaving all my family and friends to move out of state with my hubby since he will be in the military. he's going away in mid feb. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm losing my mind. Losing motivation to do anything. I feel like I'm just losing everything.

(((((((((Elvenrose)))))))))), you really have a lot to deal with right now.
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CL-ladybug987
I wish that I had known about a few resources for people in financial difficulties.
Your doctor is right about the bladder infection. I had one that I tried to treat naturally and it turned into a kidney infection. I finally went to one of those acute care clinics and got it taken care of. The doctor told me that I was a day away from being hospitalized. That was about 10 days into my (very painful) bladder infection.
I highly recommend that you call Catholic Charities. You can make an appointment with one of their social workers. They can connect you with free medical care and also free counseling. From your description, it sounds like you are starting to feel very depressed. It also sounds like your husband is not very sensitive to your needs and may even blame you for his own frustrations. If the two of you leave your primary support network when he is shipped away with the military, your depression and self-esteem will only get worse.
You have the power to take care of yourself and your own needs. Talk to Catholic Charities. They can help you take care of your health problem and get some food for you and your husband. They can provide free counseling to you as well.
Are you currently working? If not, it will probably help you to get a job. You can start to feel more in control of your own life. And ask yourself if you feel good enough about your marriage right now to leave everyone you love at a time when you need support more than you ever have. I wish that I had my eyes open about the kind of man my first husband was when we first married. All of the signs were there, but it took me awhile to realize that my dreams of marriage would not happen with that man. All I could ever have with him was a life of struggle.
The man I am with now is much more caring and a very strong partner. I'm glad that I left that first man, though it took me a couple of years of depression and struggle in that marriage before I did it. I thank God that I didn't have any children with him. That could have left me stuck in a bad marriage with no money and no self-esteem for 20 years, like my mom was with my dad.
I've been with my current husband for over 7 years now. The difference between him and my first husband is night and day.
I see so many women on this board dealing with different issues. But the quality of their life is often determined largely by if they are married to a man who helps them through their troubles, or is cold or blaming of their problems. So many women who move away from their support systems complain for years about how lonely and unhappy they are.
I don't know much about your husband, but I'm just suggesting that you look at that part of your situation. It can make the difference in your happiness for the rest of your life.
As for your health and depression, please call Catholic Charities. They are designed to help people in financial difficulties. You do not have to be homeless or without any income. They can help anyone having a setback financially. They are set up to help people get back on their feet.
There is help out there. You aren't alone.
I'm glad that you found us here.
Take Care,
MariaC