My doctor said....
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My doctor said....
| Fri, 12-19-2003 - 10:11pm |
....my depression is chemical but right now there is so many situational things triggering my depression and that until they get better I will struggle with this down time. I feel hopeless because I don't know what to do. My panic attacks about working doesn't help. Maybe I expect too much from my BF. He acts like everything will be fine when I talk about my feelings about how I am not doing well, and my financially worries, and with my depression. He says he wants to marry me and he says he still loves me even though I have depression, but it seems to me he doesn't go out of his way to make things better for me. It appears to me he does things at his conveinence. Not that his world should revolve around me but when I am really down I don't understand why he isn't more supportive. He has told me in the past he will help financially if he can. I know he is my BF and not my husband yet, so maybe I am asking for too much. It's just he sees I need help and I don't feel he is trying to help the way he always says he will. He has broken promises before or said he would help and then didn't. He keeps telling me to take it easy and it will all work out, well I wish he would tell me how to work it all out or how he is going to work it all out and him actually do it. My therapist and are working on steps to get me to go to work but that is taking time. I wish I could just go out there work and take care of everything now but this depression and panic has control over me right now. My doctor just added 2 more meds to the other 2 I take. I am on Lexapro, wellbutrin, trazadone, and neurontin. Neurontin is a med for epilepsy, but it helps stabelize moods. The trazadone and neurontin is the 2 meds he added. Sorry I kept going on and on. I will stop now.
I hope everyone is doing well and Happy Holidays!!!!
Tina~

A lot of times family and friends just don't know how to help us.
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CL-ladybug987
Tina,
I agree with barb on how friends and family sometimes just dont know how to help us or what to say or how to react when we get sucked into the blackhole.
For me my family had to stop helping me in order for me to get better because I was relying on them way too much to solve everything for me I would treat them like dirt yell scream throw things but because they felt bad they kept comming back and the whoe process would repeat itself not until they told me that I had to do this on my own take care of myself pay my own bills did I finally step out of the hole and start to get better.
Now I am not saying that you have to do the same you and I are two different people with two different things going on I can not say that I know how you feel right now I do not suffer from panic attacks I am quite the opposite I love crowds and being around groups of people.
You should try to be not so harsh with the boyfriend I know it is hard and you are in a tough spot but just because you feel he isnt trying hard enough doesnt mean that he isnt doing the best that he can just like when people say the quote "just because someone doesnt love you the way you want them to does not mean they arent loveing you the best they know how". I know I probably made no sense witht hat one.
Just give the boyfriend time.
The nuerontin is great I take 1200mg's of it a day and since my dose was upped I have been feeling great my moods are starting to even out and the depression is not so bad at least it is nothing like it was a year ago y aI still have my moments where I get really sad and lock myself away for a few days only leaving to go to work and nothing else but I know that I will be okay when I can watch a show and laugh a year ago I had no expressions at all no smile laugh nothing just straight faced so if I laugh then I know things are okay...sorry went way off track there.
Look my point is this nothing lasts forever and certainly nothing bad lasts forever nothing is coincuidense this has happened to all of us for a reason that reason I dont know but I know what my reason for all of this is to live is to feel every emotion on this planet to laugh to cry to scream and cheer all of it the good and the bad we are human we all have to endure and move on and you will be okay not today not tomorrow but in time you will be okay and it will get better you just can not give up on yourslef or your life or your boyfriend.
good luck honey I will have you in my thoughts.
Erin