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| Mon, 12-22-2003 - 3:30am |
My baby boy (16 months today) was diagnosed with PDD-NOs, which is an autistic spectrum disorder 1 month ago. I had know for 2 months when I put it all together one very frightful and manic evening. 2 days prior to putting it all together I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks.
Now I find myself crying and not sleeping..or some days all I want to do is sleep. I am not letting it interfere with getting my son treatment and doing what I need to do for him. Basically, my perfect life went down the tubes in 2 months.
To top it all off, my husband is in complete denial and thinks our son "will grow out of it". He thinks I am ruining our lives by going to the doctors and getting him therapy.
Some days I am very optomistic that our son could recover (many have) and others I have to remind myself to breathe and the pain is just so hard to deal with and I am sure he is doomed to sit in a corner flapping his arms. Just the thought of that puts me in panic attack mode. I have had 2 panic attacks, one while I was shopping and the other just in the house.
I have never taken any medicine before and I am sort of indifferent about it. Will it cure my son? Well, if not then nothing will make me feel better is my attitude. Not only that but I don't want to be happy right now.
In September when I was pregnant and I didnt know about our sons dx yet, I remember saying to myself.."Life is just way too good right now".
M

You are doing the right thing having your son in therapy. Maybe your husband is afraid and feels if he ignores it than it will go away. Having your ups and downs right now is normal and so is having panic attacks with all your going through. You may want to talk to your doctor about what is happening in your life right now and see if he recommends meds or not. I think meds to help you get through this time would be helpful. When alot of stress happens it deplites a hormone called serotonin in our brains that helps support the way messages are transfered in our minds and when the serotonin is deplited our sensors for the neurotransportation is not balanced. That is why meds are helpful, to help give us the support to think more clearly and cope with the stress in our lives. Someone else may have a better way of explaining this but I hope I made sense.
I don't know if there is a cure for your son. Only the professionals would be able to tell you this. But I do know you love your son very much and I believe with you being there for him and taking him to therapy and following the doctors instructions will help your son grow and improve. I don't know of anywhere for you to look for support for families coping with your sons disorder, but maybe the place where you take him to therapy does. Maybe one of the other ladies who post here can help you further with that. I think finding support for coping with your sons disorder from other people who are dealing with the same thing will also help you not feel so alone.
I wish I had a magic answer for you but I don't. I will pray for you and your family. You are very strong for taking your son to treatment. You will be able to do what needs to be done but don't be so hard on yourself for being tired and sad. This is a sad time for you but I believe you will push on for you and your son. Hang in there and WELCOME, post back anytime!!!!
Tina~
I just wanted to send you many ((((((hugs)))))).
Please take care
Pamela
Welcome to our board, (((((((((M)))))))))).
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CL-ladybug987
Yes, the Autism board women have been so wonderful!!! They have gotten me on the right road for Jack and made me realize that what we are going through as a family is very common. It is amazing how much imformation and support I have gotten there. For those that do not know Autism is a Pervasive Develpmental Disorder. Basically, social, language and play skills are not functuning or at a low level. It is a brain disorder that can range from mild to severe. It is graded on a spectrum. Most of kids with PDD also have some form of mental retardation. We do not know if this is Jacks case yet.
I also have many amazing friends and a very suppotive family. Its just real hard to see my friends with normal babies and have them complain about them talking to much or asking too many questions.
Its my husband who is so angry at me for "doing this" to us. I suspect it is his inability to think that our beautiful baby could have something so devestating. He looks so perfect. It is hard for someone to put it all together and since I did, I am both the bad guy and the good guy.
Yes, no stability, scary future and in fact some times I feel as though I am dying. its a weird weird feeling. I have so many dr's appointments and therapy sessions and funding stuff that it is all overwhelming...and I am still working because we will need the money if we do not get funding for this therapy ($60,000 a year!)..which is another reason to be depressed.
You know, you get pregnant, you do everything right, you plan and get them the best clothese, crib and all that stuff. You have the baby and everything is perfect. Slowly, you start to notice some stuff...weird food issues, not liking to be hugged, delayed motor, delayed language and then you put it together and your world just falls apart and crashes.
Thank you very much for welcoming me.
I have some idea of what this must be like for you.
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CL-ladybug987
Welcome to the board hun!
Life dealt you 2 awful blows right around the holidays,, but your son is still a wonderful and special child, and who knows what the future will bring.. I dont know alot about the disease but im sure
*hugs