Learning Some New Stuff
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| Mon, 12-22-2003 - 10:57am |
I sometimes get upset because I can't remember my childhood. I think it is because my mom was an alcoholic, but then I start to think "I rarely saw her drink", but maybe it's just that I've blocked it out?
I also think that I was sexually abused. I get really uncomfortable when the topic of sex comes up. My sister was sexually abused by my mom's dad. I wonder if I was, too. I feel really uncomfortable wearing clingly clothing around men. I also feel really uncomfortable around my dad when sex issues come up. I don't think that he did anything to me, but how can I be sure? We never had a good relationship, but we are starting to communicate and see each other more.
Sex was a completely taboo subject in my house, so I wonder if maybe that is why sex makes me uncomforatable? I have never EVER told anybody this, but I have a memory of being quite young and being in the spare bedroom in the basement and I was "exploring" my body and one of my parents came in (I can't remember which one) and I am pretty sure I got into trouble. I can't even remember that. Is something wrong with me?
I am totally bummed because this guy that I went to high school with and am good friends with came over last night and I found out that he has a girlfriend. He is such a sweet heart. He is good to his mom, and that is always a good sign. He used to have a crush on me in high school apparently. I keep thinking that if I was a thin as I used to be, maybe he would like me. I know this isn't true, he is totally not like that.
I think I am scared to get into another relationship. I have to know someone REALLY well in order to trust them. Before I started dating my ex, we talked on the phone every night for about a year for HOURS on end. I am terrified of getting hurt again.
Thanks for listening ladies.
Pamela

((((((((Pamela))))))))), I am so glad you are reading that book!
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CL-ladybug987
I do believe another seminar will be offered after the New Year.
I agree, and it even says that in the book that I am reading now that it pertains to most dysfunctional families.
Sometimes I think that I let my eating be out of control because I want that layer of fat to protect me from being "hurt" again, if I ever was. I often think that I would like to do hypnosis to see if I can learn a little more of my childhood, but then it might just mess me up even more.
When my friend Kris was over last night, I just wanted to have him hug and cuddle me. I know that sounds silly, but he is a big tall, caring, sensitive, (and goodlooking) guy and I never had any positive attention from a male figure growing up.
Thanks again Barb.
Take care
Pamela
I think thats a great idea. (The book)I was brought up with both of my parents being alcoholics, and it was really tough.
I always thought that the reason I have a hard time remembering stuff from when I was a kid, was because of all the marijuana I smoked when I was younger. Maybe that has something to do with it as well, but maybe I was wrong?
I am going to see about that book.
Thanks
Heather
I will write it down tonight and get you the exact title. But you should definately check into Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA) books and web-sites.
Pamela