update -poss. trigger :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
update -poss. trigger :(
1
Mon, 12-22-2003 - 12:23pm
well, i really wish that i had better news and all to share, but things just aren't getting any better. i am still miserable. all i want to do is stay at hime, sleep and cry. bf is dealing well with all of my oddness, but he will eventually get tired of me being so needy and down. that right there is a big part of my problem, i am so worried about him hurting me. i just don't think i could stand being rejected again. i hate my job and am trying to find another one. there is one job that i really want, but know i won't get it. even if i did the depression would get in the way. i had a problem at work on thursday and i mis-spoke. basically i said something to a co-worker that was inappropiate for the work place. i thought she was my friend and she hurt my feelings and i was already all out of sorts and i said something i shouldn't have. i feel so lonely. i have no friends. everyone is too busy. i have such a hard time making friends. and then i am so tired that i end up not being a very good friend anyway. i am always so tired. i am so tired of being tired. i haven't been feeling good either, with my mixture of minor illnesses. mostly tired. after the first of the year i am going to find a new family dr and see about meds. i was reading another post about tryptophan. i am going to look into that also. i can't live like this and am trying so hard to fight it. i feel sometimes like i am losing the battle. atleast i am not having suicidal thoughts anymore. christmas is just a few days away and i sort of wish it would just go away. another brighter note i got the book ' feeling good, the new mood therapy'. it is supposed to be a great book about cognitive therapy. i haven't started it yet so i have my fingers crossed about it. i am sorry if this post doesn't make much sense, but i needed to get it out. i am sorry that i haven't been a very good friend to anyone here either. i was doing so good a few weeks ago and didn't want to get pulled back down, but here i am anyways. so, again i am sorry. all my best wishes to everyone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2003
Mon, 12-22-2003 - 12:40pm
Hi there!

I just want to say {{{{{HUGS}}}}}

If you ever need to talk, please e-mail me, h_boies@hotmail.com

I am open to listen anytime!

I also hate my job, and am looking for something better, maybe we could swap ideas? What do you do?

Hugs Again!

Heather:)

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