Do you think I'm ok?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2003
Do you think I'm ok?
2
Tue, 12-23-2003 - 11:06am


Hi to you all again. As you have read on all my postings I guess you'll think my life is a mess (LOL). Well What's new?. My father came to P.R from New Jersey last thursday and is staying at a hotel and have had contact with my brothers. I didn't feel like seeing him, his wife or my sister(althought I know my sister has nothing to do with my feeling for my father and his wife.). My father left a message on my cellular phone on friday for me to call him back but I did it on saturday at night. The thing is that my father has never been there when I needed him, his wife is only interested in his money (she doesn't even sleep with him/ they sleep in diferent bedrooms) and my father has been with her for 14 years because of my sister, because he doesn't want her to suffer. And since she was born she's the only thing that counts for him. He has always given her EVERYTHING while we (me and my brothers suffered a lot , even hunger when he and my mother got divorced).

My father has a lot of money . I don't really care about his money what I'm really mad about is that all these years when I have been sick or with my depressions (I'm Bipolar) he has not care even a bit. I haven't got any support from him not emotionally not financially never EVER. And once I went to his house on New Jersey and his wife always treated me like everything they have was their own (you know like saying hey this ain't yours), and also I noticed that she put me against my father even thought I was trying to heal my relationship with my father. Then he started treating me like I wasn't welcome at his home and let me know that I didn't work hard on things and literally that I was good for nothing . I felt awful, frustrated and depressed.


I have always try to keep a relationship with my brothers but they don't answer my calls , don't care about me when I'm sick, I have been so depressed. They are the only family I have in P.R, they have know because of my mother in Boston that I have had suicidal thoughts and they haven't even care.


Now that my father is on vacation in P.R they are together (What a wonderful family (Yeah right!)). Yesterday one of my brothers called me inviting me to a party at his house next saturday were there will be all the family together. And I have decided that I don't want to go they only give me negative vibes and I'm not hypocrite. I rather stay at home they don't deserve my companion. I want a family in good times and in BAD times too..Also I'm tired of always letting people treating me the way they want. I'm learning that I'm in PART responsable for how people treat me, you should place limits. And my negative to go to his party also comes because I know that even thought they don't care when I'm in bad circumstances they will start criticizing me and giving me they're opinions of why I'm still single at 33 etc etc. That doesn't help me a bit. And as you all know I'm starting a new life in Boston on February. What do you think of my desicion of not going to the party?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2007
Tue, 12-23-2003 - 11:58am

(((((((Nuden)))))))), family relationships can be difficult in the best of times, even when everyone is mentally healthy!

 

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CL-ladybug987

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Tue, 12-23-2003 - 3:57pm
(((((((HUGS))))))) Nuden, it is difficult when you don't have support in those bad times, especially from family. It sounds like you have dealt with alot of rejection and critizism from your family. It is only normal to think about not going to this "family" function. I am not going to tell you to go or not to go. The decision is yours. You know yourself better than anyone. If someone does start critizising you will it bring down to that deep place us bipolars get into? I am bipolar too. There is nothing wrong with protecting yourself from abuse and that is what is sounds like they do to you, emotional and verbal abuse. Protecting yourself may be to stay clear from them if they won't do you any good or be supportive. All of this is easier said than done.

If you go to the party you could go for a short time. Set the amount of time before you go so you will keep track of how long you are there. It can be 30 min or whatever you are comfortable with. Stay positive and don't bring up any problems because you know that is just inviting critizism. If they start getting on you about all your problems, mistakes, what they precieve as being non accomplished then say "it was so nice visiting and seeing everyone, Merry Christmas" then say your goodbyes and go. Try not to even re-act to there meaness. That will be hard too but it is better than feuling the fire with trying to protect yourself if they won't listen or care. But by no means should you stick around to put up with that abuse.

If you don't go to the party make sure you are truely comfortable with that decision. If you don't go then treat yourself to a nice bubble bath and do something fun you enjoy on that night or another night but whatever your choice be kind to yourself.

I hope I helped and didn't make things worse. Bless you and Happy Holidays.

Tina~