wanting advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
wanting advice
3
Wed, 12-24-2003 - 8:00pm
i'm relatively new to all this, so i'll try to be short.

i've been depressed now for several week (probably even before this year's Thanksgiving).

i've just noticed it getting worse.

thing is, i dont celebrate "christian" holidays. i've been a pagan for umpteen years now & my family doesnt care. they ignore not only my holidays/religious beliefs, but me - as a person. (that's a whole other dysfunctional story!) *smile*

however, i always get bummed this time of year. my family has decided now that i'm not able (or willing) to support them financially (as i had been for about 4 years - and i'm the youngest & make less than anyone else and decided it's time i feed myself instead of everyone else!), that i'm not a worthy person and therefore dont deserve anything with regards to "family" events.

this is actually a nice thing to hear - if i dont give anything and also dont receive anything i wont hear a guilt trip for the next year.

however, i'm involved with a wonderful person - and we've made a family of our own. however he (and his son) still celebrate the basic "christian" holidays - but still recognize mine (which is more than sweet of them).

we simply combine the celebrations/traditions.

so that's fine too.

but why if i'm so "content" with these things am i so damn depressed?

i've been tested and have come up "normal" (whatever that is). i dont have SAD or dysthymia or even depression.

but i get & stay "bummed" for about 2 - 3 months - the time of year when everyone celebrates, sees on tv, hears in stores, are forced (or have imposed upon them) the "spirits of the seasons".

okay i've complained enough.

just wondering if anyone has anything real to say.

thanks for your time.

S.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
In reply to: ssn01
Wed, 12-24-2003 - 11:25pm
Welcome to the board. Christmas is a little weird for me too. I do celebrate it, even though I'm not a Christian. I'm more new age. I was brought up Christian. My dad was a this psycho minister who made every holiday a nightmare. There was tons of ceremony and no soul. My best Christmas ever was the one when I first boycotted Christmas. I stayed home from the family get together where everyone just fought and screamed all day. I was home all by myself. I did all the things I love to do most and didn't do anything traditional.

Now, years after my first anti-holiday, my dh and I just have a quiet day together. We don't eat anything traditional. We do have a tree and exchange simple gifts. I don't have sentimental feelings about the songs and Christmas hoopla. I noticed this year that the Christmas season barely even seemed to happen for me. If it wasn't for a few commercials and neighbors putting lights on their houses, I wouldn't even notice that it happened.

To me the songs ring hollow. It feels like a commercial drive to sell stuff. Most people who celebrate Christmas aren't particularly religious.

One thing that I've learned this past year in dealing with depression is that often our mood is dependent on how we think about events in our lives. It sucks that our culture is fixated on the traditions of only one religion. But that's the way it is. If you can try to think of it as just a by-product of corporate commercialism, and not personal, it might be easier. The Christmas thing will probably stay. But you can choose to mostly ignore it. That's what I do. I think the lights on people's houses are fun. I wish they stayed up all winter, since most places are pretty dreary in the winter. They cheer up the cold, dark days. I like my tree because it's something I create with my aesthetic. A lot of Christmas traditions were originally pagan, weren't they? Maybe not Celtic pagan, but pagan rites of Rome, right? It's celebrated at that time because of the solstice, isn't it? You probably know better than I do.

I hope that things will feel better for you after the hoopla dies down on Friday.

Take Care,

MariaC

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
In reply to: ssn01
Thu, 12-25-2003 - 12:30pm
MariaC

Thank you much for you reply & wisdom.

you're right in that christmas is based on the pagan tradition of light - Yule or the Winter's Solstice.

and yes, i celebrate this & the other traditions, in my own way. i may be wiccan, but that doesnt mean i "cast spells" & such. *giggle*

but i really appreciate your point of view & how you deal with it.

we all know we're not alone - but sometimes it's so comforting to know / hear someone else's story.

it all makes sense to me & i will begin thinking of it as nothing more than commercialism.

i never really had a religious family of my own - so we didnt really have a big hoopla - i was raised by a single mother & had two older brothers & well - let's just say it was a very sexist existence. the boys were all our mother could talk about - and oh yeah, there's a girl too (that'd be me!) ;-)

anyway, i've just been going through a seperation of my family, since i finally told them of my holiday "preferences" & so they're not acknowledging me anymore. so that as well as the tinny music in stores, the lights (i admit i do enjoy), the xmas decorations at hallowe'en, the whole bit.

a change in attitude & perspective is what i need - and thanks for your sharing MariaC.

:-)

S.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2007
In reply to: ssn01
Thu, 12-25-2003 - 1:13pm

Since my divorce 23 years ago I have spent many Christmases by myself.

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v254/ladybug987/Signatures/springbutterflybarb.jpg>

CL-ladybug987