need a hug & happy holidays

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
need a hug & happy holidays
3
Thu, 12-25-2003 - 4:38pm
i don't know if i am losing my mind or if i just lost it a long time ago and have been fooling myself! (haha) my body has been wreaking havoc on me- if it's not one thing it's another, and i am reaching a breaking point. i had to take my anti-anxiety meds last night and then today i am left very depressed. i feel like i am on that borderline- where i could curl up in a ball and feel sorry for myself or keep fighting. i am going to try to keep fighting, although right now i feel more like crying. i am upset with my boyfriend but i think it may just be because i am so irritable anyways. i have gotten into the habit of hiding my more crazy feelings from him because i don't want him to look at me the way that i have made other guys look at me- either like a freak or someone they need to take care of who can't take care of herself. i think there may be more of a middle ground that i am not thinking of. happy holidays- merry christmas to most, and happy hanukkah to my fellow jewish friends!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Thu, 12-25-2003 - 6:15pm

{{{{{{{{{{{{VOGUEGIRL15}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Fri, 12-26-2003 - 7:03am

This time of year is so hard on those who are suffering from anxiety/depression!

Blessed Be!

Laure- co-cl on Migraines & Headaches

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Sat, 12-27-2003 - 10:45pm
VogueGirl,

I'm feeling kind of crazy right now myself. I know that feeling being with a new guy and feeling afraid that he will see that you are nuts, or at least helpless. I always felt afraid of a man seeing through my facade to the scared little girl inside. I always waited for the other shoe to drop. Amazingly, a lot of my friends feel the same way. I have a sign on my refridgerator that says, "The only normal people are the ones you don't know really well." Don't worry that there's something wrong with you. There isn't. We all think that there's something wrong with us. Some people are better at hiding it under an arrogant facade for longer than others. But most people feel insecure inside. It's important to be honest with your boyfriend about your fears. But please approach it knowing that you are no better or worse than anyone else. My therapist helped me to realize that about myself. When you think of how many people out there are addicted to something destructive like alcohol, drugs, gambling or shopping, and how many of the same and even more people act out their fear and pain by being uncaring and even cruel the the people in their lives, you will realize that you are not a freak or in any way worse than others. My therapist explained just how crazy and weird most people are. So even if you feel that you are less together than others, it's just not true. Not only are you a very beautiful and intelligent woman, but you are compassionate, caring, open, and supportive. I've seen you express amazing insight and kindness to many people on this board. Those are rarer qualities than you can imagine.

So, in summary, if you think you are crazy or helpless, YOU AREN'T! We all feel that way deep inside. This time with your boyfriend is a transitional phase. Once you see how much he really cares about you, you can start to accept yourself and see past this incorrect belief you have about yourself. You can start to have a deeper connection with him once you see that he loves you for you, not an image of you. My dh showed me what real love was by loving me even through my dark times. Your boyfriend sounds like the kind of man who really knows how to love.

All My Best,

MariaC