Holidays Suck
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| Thu, 12-25-2003 - 9:20pm |
The day was going fine until we were all getting ready to leave mom's.
Mom had previously told my sister that she would drive her to work tomorrow. But as soon as she finds out that I'm off tomorrow she decides I should do it. Granted I live closer, its my darn day off too! And the only time sis calls me is when she needs something. A ride. Or a ride for my niece, or the use of my computer for something. I'm just so tired of it. And the thing is, I'm supposed to be happy about doing her favors all the time. If I ever seem put out or angry she gets all ticked off at me. So mom got mad that I wasn't all peachy about the idea of getting up early to drive sis to work. So she brings up the fact that the weather might be bad. Okay, its okay for me to drive in the snow, but not her? And I'm the one who got my car stuck in the snow last year, nearly missed hitting a truck and was stranded and terrified. But No...so then my sister says "well, if Joy is picking you up tomorrow why don't I just take your car?" So now she wants to just use my car whenever it is convenient? I have an old car that hasn't been running all that well, and with my current financial status I can't afford another car for at least 4 years, if not more. She's not known for taking care of things. She's 23 and has had 8 cars in her lifetime. 8 cars in 6, 7 years.
I had to drive us all home and she hardly said a word. So I parked in her parking spot, gave her the key and told her I'd walk home (about 2 football fields away). I was just so upset..I'm tired of doing favors. Does that make me a bad person? I guess I'm not as nice as Robert thinks..I can only take so much...I called Joy and she made me feel better...and we have some 'us' time tomorrow which should be nice...
*big sigh* Stuff like this makes me feel so drained...
And sorry for posting this with my Cl hat on..I don't have time to switch IDs

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{JENN}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Sweetie, you are NOT a bad person for being fed up with being taken for granted!
Despite my newness to this forum, I'd just like to say I'm going through the same thing with my family.
What I've found that works is - basically - treat them like children.
If your sister "throws a tantrum" when she doesnt get her way - ignore her.
Because your mom & your sis are seeing that if they can guilt trip you into doing things that you'll eventually do them. It may sound heartless, but it's been working for me & my family.
If a child throws a huge tantrum, and you walk away, they'll think "hmm, this isn't working. she's not catering to my feelings / wants. i've gotta change my attitude." (more or less)
My family recently got all mad with me because, being the youngest & apparently the only responsible person in the family, I decided to stop sending mom & two older brothers money & gifts all the time. Not only do I make WAY less than they do (probly a fifth of what they all earn combined), but I'M funding THEM??
I dont care that they have kids or in-laws or their own bills. I was barely able to feed myself & pay my OWN bills. So I called it quits.
They were all so mad at me & even stopped talking to me for a couple months (lovely quiet couple months!!!) - but they came around.
It hurt my feelings that I knew I hurt their feelings, but by treating them as responsible adults (as they should be by now), they earned my respect & began respecting me.
I dont get the "gimme gimme gimme handouts" routine anymore. I dont hear the whining of "but we just spent $2000 on christmas gifts that we can't afford and now our lights are going to be turned off. send me money now."
We all sometimes have to learn things the hard way - and if that's being mean - so be it. but sometimes ppl need that "swift kick" to say "hey, grow up" (or whatever the more fitting saying would be in each case).
It sounds drastic, and isn't really all that much fun (except the quietness of a non-ringing phone!), but if you stand up for yourself & say "hey, mom you offered to drive her to work, you do it. it's my day off too and I may want/need to go somewhere and use MY car that I've worked hard to earn and maintain." - maybe it'll get across.
Hope that said something useful.
G'luck.
S.
Jenn;
I'm sorry that the day was ruined for you!!
Blessed Be!
Laure- co-cl on Migraines & Headaches
It's such a shame that you had to feel this way on christmas. Families can just be so blind to our needs sometimes, remember that YOUR feelings and needs are important, you are not a bad person for feeling this way. When my mother was sick before she passed, I was expected to always be the one to take care of everything (I have two sisters), I work a full time job and have a daughter at home to care for, they had no children living at home and my one sister worked right across the street from my mom's apartment complex, but she would call me after she got home from work and ask me if I was going to the store for my mom, going to check on her, etc. Also, I would get phone calls and emails all day long (I work from home), from both of them, complaining about each other, complaining about my mom, and basically telling me to deal with everything. If I didn't do what they wanted me to, I was made to feel like a bad person. Well anyway, to sum things up, I have not spoken to my sisters since my mothers funeral. Do I feel bad about it? sometimes. But I will not apologize, as I did everything in my power when it was necessary, and almost lost my sanity in the process. no one had any regard for my feelings, and even after mom passed, it was all about how I better be around to help clean out her apartment. My life is quiet now. I wish I had spoken up for myself sooner, maybe it would have helped, I am certainly not saying dont speak to your family, but maybe calmly letting people know how you feel, and that you dont like being taken advantage of, would help things before you end up just feeling worse and worse! I know this kind of got off track, but I really understand your situation and hope your family does not continue to make you feel this way.
Take care,
Wendy