where have they all gone?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
where have they all gone?
5
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 6:16pm
Something which seems to have plagued me for quite some time is that it seems I'm unable to have close friends.

A little over a year & a half ago one of my best friends died (even tho she lived across the country). That was more than devastating, but I'm content with what's happened - as I'm sure she's better off - wherever we go after this life.

Also, about 2 years ago another of my best friends was sort of taken from me. She's alive, but her husband called & threatened me and her (best gf) life if I ever tried to contact her again. That was crushing. I miss her & wonder about her - but am settled with the decision.

Within the past year or so two of my other friends (male this time) I've not seen nor heard from in quite some time. One found out he's a father & had to change his life drastically - so no one ever hears from him, from what I've been told. And the other just recently decided he's in love (with an abusive woman - I've said my peace, he disagrees & now won't talk to me).

Where I work, the youngest person is about 20 years my senior! I'm a menial little secretary who doesnt get paid much, but I guess I get the job done (til I find something better). They're nice people, but fake - and obviously so. They purposefully don't invite me to lunches, parties, get-togethers, etc. - because I just "wouldn't understand" or "get along with" the other women.

Yes, by the way, I work with only women in the office. I know I'm not there for socializing, but once in a while I'd like to be able to have a conversation with these people, other than work-related stuff. They all talk amongst themselves about cooking, shopping, families, etc. and when I try to pitch in the conversation, they just stare at me like I've just spoken in Martian! *laugh*

I work a lot, as I'm on my own, putting myself thru school & caring for my own little family. I dont really get much time to myself, and what little I do get paid goes straight to school or bills or food. So there's really no expendable income.

How can I make friends? Where can I go?

Are there people near my age that I can get along with? It sure seems that I either lose close friends to tragedies or major life events. When I try to maintain contact, it's not reciprocated on the other end. So, essentially, it's a dead-end.

Are there places I could go to meet people? I'm a rather "oddity" in society (vegetarian, wiccan/pagan, non-conformist, dominant personality - the list just goes on). I dont get into the bar scene (can't afford it anyway). In college classes we're not there to socialise so much as we are to learn & even then it's only for a short period of time to "get the grade" & get outta classes.

*feeling at loss & would appreciate any piece of advice*

Sue.

Avatar for nanjan135
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 10:09pm
hi, sue,

I just read your message you posted and I feel lost and empty right now also....All of my closest freinds have moved away and I miss that daily connection with them so much and the man I've been seeing for a few years hasto relocate and now i REALLY feel like a lost soul....... It's almost too painful to allow yourself to get too close as I feel that everytime I do.....something happenes where they are taken away somehow....

Hang in there and hopefully things will get better for BOTH of us.....

my email is mallomars9@aol.com if you wd like to email me....


Take care


Nan

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2007
Mon, 12-29-2003 - 6:37pm

(((((((Sue))))))), you sound like a fascinating person!

 

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CL-ladybug987

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Mon, 12-29-2003 - 11:02pm
Nan,

I saw your post & have to say we are definitely in the same boat!

(which isn't necessarily a good thing.)

however, I'm here for you too if you want anything.

feel free to e-mail me as well at fresa01@yahoo.com

thanks so much for your posting!

*smiles*

Sue.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Mon, 12-29-2003 - 11:06pm
Barb,

Thanks a bunch! *smile*

I appreciate your input. It's hard for me to "see" what's here when I dont really know this town well and dont have time/money to get around.

But maybe going to the local bookstore & seeing about book clubs or something.

I've looked into Unitarian churches & honestly, I'm rather wary of them. I don't know much about how they work, but the nearest one to me makes all "members" sign a contract for being a member for so long & promising to pay so much (never mentioned the amount) a year in "support". I dont know about other people or even other churches - but that just doesnt sound right to me.

Either way, I'll try to start opening my eyes more to what's here & what I can do.

Thanks so much for your help!

Sue.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2007
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 11:49pm

You're right, (((((Sue))))), that would turn me off to a church, too.

 

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CL-ladybug987