Husband's Depressed..Am I?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
Husband's Depressed..Am I?
21
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 12:32pm
I'm not sure if this is the right place to ask this question. If not, please let me know. My husband was diagnosed with clinical depression 6 years ago. After the initial illness and treatment, he did pretty good for about 3 years. But, the last 3 years have been up and down (mostly down). He missed about a month of work on disability because of it in each year and even when he isn't on disability, he isn't well. He always looks down, like the weight of the world is on his shoulders. He hates his job, feels he is no good at it, and it's only a matter of time before his employer "catches on" and fires him. Because of that, we are never allowed to discuss buying anything new for the house, or going on a nice vacation or anything that means we will spend his "reserve" because we

"will need it when I lose my job". Incidentially, he has had this job for 3 years and, even with the disability periods, has gotten good reviews, raises and bonuses each year.

He has no interest in anything. He gets no enjoyment out of anything. He is so wrapped up in his personal cocoon of misery, he has no time to have a life other than that and no inclination to be a part of my life. The only thing we ever talk about is this. Sex? What's that? I could go on and on, but you probably have heard it all before.

My question really is....could I be depressed too? I have been dealing with him so long, I can't tell where he leaves off and where I start. I'm not even sure there is a ME anymore. I think about him all the time....how was his day...how was the traffic on his way to/from work....what kind of a mood will he be in tonight? I'm so wrapped up in this I think I'm losing myself.

I get nothing from him. He is too busy being depressed to see or care about me. I love him more than anything and I know he loves me but I don't FEEL it. I'll tell what I feel like. I am a table lamp. Think about it. How often do you notice your table lamp. When you need light. Then you turn it on and get what you need out of it. When you've gotten what you need, you turn it off and it's just there. An inadement (sp?) object. Just there. You don't feel the need to ever thank or show appreciation to the lamp for being there when you needed it or for giving you it's light so well. That's how I feel, I'm just there. "do for me..go for me..get me...take me..." but once that's done, I'm just there. No thank you for all the years I've stood by him or for all the support I've tried to give. No appreciation for any special thing I've done. Just there.

All I want to do is get in my car and just drive....drive until I run out of gas..and end up where ever I end up. Not tell anyone where I am and just start over, alone. Be someone else, a new life. But I know I can't do that. I have a life here but I just don't know how to live it anymore. I have a teenage daughter I can't leave and an aged mother who needs me. I'm trapped and I don't know what to do to get out.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Sun, 01-04-2004 - 7:57pm
No, it is not mean it is desperation. The ladies here have given your some excellent advice, it is time for you to see to your needs and do good things for yourself. God Bless and good luck.

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