Depression relapse?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2003
Depression relapse?
2
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 11:19pm
About four years ago just prior to a divorce I had seen a counselor for a few sessions to talk through my increasing depression and anger. I wasn't given any outstanding advice by her but it did give me an opportunity to basically talk out loud to myself which helped me make some good but difficult decisions. I now find myself having similar feelings and am considering seeing a counselor again. Since the divorce I've: moved to the opposite coast for school but far away from friends and family, started and had to (temporarily) quit college (only half way done now), begun a full-time job to make up for two years of student poverty, have a one hour commute because of my job and am stuck in an on-campus apartment lease until May, had some emotionally disasterous relationships, had an abortion, and am now in a relationship with a man who loves me and wants a future with me but is slow to come around to complete emotional commitment. I am usually considered a happy person and laugh often but I've noticed those old feelings resurfacing; of irrational anger, wanting to scream or physically lash out, or times when I'm irrationaly sad and seem to tear up about everything.

Perhaps I'm just venting here and a counselor is an obvious decision but I'm afraid that all of this will lead back to the divorce, or the cliche "blame it on my childhood." I'm afraid that with all of my experiences that I simply don't trust anymore, and that I'm angry about it's loss. Or maybe I'm just emotionally tired and want someone to take care of me, you know avoid responsibilities for awhile. (lol) Any feedback?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 2:39am
I've been to a few different counselors in my time. They are all different, just like people. I finally found one who made big difference for me. Now I'm studying to be a therapist myself. I've learned so much about the different kinds of therapy. Sometimes it helps with pent up emotions to let them out. Gestalt therapy focuses on this. The therapist helps the client to stop repressing their feelings and let them out in a safe environment. You can do this yourself by beating your pillow, yelling into your pillow, yelling in the car on the freeway, or even beating a punching bag (that's what I did). More traditional talking therapy can be a good way to put the past into perspective. It can help you see how your past is still controlling your present. That doesn't mean blaming your past. That means seeing how it still controls you. If you can't see how your past experiences have made you think the way you do, then you can't change the way you negatively interpret your current situation.

It sounds like you have been through some very painful experiences, especially break-ups and your abortion. If you don't grieve these events and let your feelings out in a healthy way, then you carry the pain into your future. A good therapist who specializes in grief work could probably help your with your feelings that don't seem to be related to your outside life events. Your symptoms indicate probable repressed grief.

For some people whose depression stems from low self-esteem and negative thinking, cognitive therapy makes a huge difference. But those unexpected and unwelcome emotions that leak through into your otherwise happy life indicate pain that you haven't dealt with yet.

I hope this helps. You can probably find a good therapist by calling your doctor and asking for the names of the best therapists he or she knows. This is how I found the therapist who helped me the most. You don't even need to go in to see your doctor. You can just call the office and ask for some names they recommend. Unless you want your insurane to cover the therapy. In that cse, you need to go in to see the doctor. But keep in mind that then the records of your therapy are completely open to the insurance company.

Good Luck,

MariaC

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 4:29am

Welcome Unity30.