Not the Best Day...... Vent.....Triggers
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 12-31-2003 - 5:05pm |
This has to be one of the hardest days yet for me. There are so many people living in this house and so many of us having different schedules that it make it so hard. I am a night person and most of the people living here are morning, not the best combination. We had some snowfall over night, enough that my husband and crew were unable to work. So when I arose this morning all family members where here and accounted for. This throw my schedule off, after my morning routine in the bathroom I discovered that the two little ones were upstairs. Grandma was feeding them and a pang of guilt passed through me. My mother-in-law works for the local school district and has had the holidays off and my son has been going upstairs and asking grandma to make him pancakes. This has been happening a lot lately and it is very frustrating. When the little ones and I normally wake up no one is home but with everyone, home for the holidays the routine has changed. My son will arise and if I am nursing his sister, he will just take himself upstairs. I feel like am inadequate and not able to full fill me parenting duties. I know that my mother-in-law is only trying to do what she thinks is best. Most of the time she will ask my son if I have made him his breakfast and that he should wait for me to make it and then other times she just makes him breakfast. I know that she is not trying to make me feel bad but how can I not feel like everyone must think that I am so lazy……
My husband took the little ones out to make a snowman and my mother-in-law came downstairs to bring me some wool socks for the little ones to wear inside their boots. I know that she was only thinking of the little ones but I could not help feeling that she was think that I could not handle dressing my own children. I know that this was not her intentions but I feel that I have no control over anything that goes on in my life. I feel like I am always being pushed into things which in a way some of them turn out to be good and I needed that push but some times…….. However, the chaotic feeling of never being in total control is overwhelming. Not that I am a control freak but I would like to have some say.
I can not describe the feeling I had this morning when my husband told me that he was going with his dad to get some milk and get dad’s medication. It was akin to a twinge of jealousy, my husband works for his dad and every night when my husband gets home he has to go over all the day work with his father. Then when he does make it downstairs he will have to go back upstairs to help his parents with some problem. He is always helping them with the computer or lifting something, that dad can not. We never get a night alone, not even when we are at the property. When we are at the property his father is always calling him or just stopping by. I really can not complain because his father does help him when he stops by but enough is enough. I think the reason that we have not had a major confrontation is that I just take ever thing. There is no way to change my situation and I would rather not create trouble. Besides, my in-laws have had to give up many things too to have us here.
I am trying to remind myself that this will soon pass. We will be in our own place soon. Could it please be tomorrow????? I am sick of the feeling of always being judged, I know that most of this is only my own feeling but just the same. I still feel it. This situation is not going to change until we are in our own place, Please can that be tomorrow. All I can do is pray for strength to get through this.
Just before my husband and father-in-law left, my father-in-law came downstairs to wait for my husband. My father-in-law was cruising around my kitchen opening cupboards and helping himself to what ever caught his eye. I was raised that you always asked before taking. I always call my mother-in-law at work if I need to borrow something rather then just taking it. My father-in-law invading my space (well it’s not my home) really bothered me but what can I do?
I could write a book about this so I think I will stop here, thank you for listening.
Happy New Year to you all,
RainydaysArgon

((((((((((((((((((Rainyday))))))))))))))))))))))
You said it yourself hun,, between the snowday and the Holidays everyone is off schedule and things are going to be a little out of whack. Sometimes we just have to cut ourselves a little slack!
*hugs
Thank you, for helping me to see my day in a more positive light.
Warmest Regards,
RainydaysArgon