sad, missing family and friends
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| Thu, 01-01-2004 - 2:54pm |
i moved from florida to new jersey eight months ago when my husband relocated for a job. i am having a hard time adjusting and feel absolutely miserable here. i miss my family, friends and home (we did not sell, renting it out). i am working, but that is a whole other discussion in itself. i still keep in close contact with my friends and we have flown down four times in the last seven months, but coming back to jersey makes me miserable and i feel like i regress from any progress i have made.
i decided to check out this message board to get into contact with others who are feeling/have dealt with what i am feeling. my friends and i always vented to each other with issues we had in common, like work, coworkers, husbands, etc, but i don't want to burden them with my depression. they know i don't like it up here, miss them tremendously and want to move back as soon as possible, but i don't want them to think that any time they email or call me i will just be crying and bitching about how i feel. i don't want to drive them away with my attitude. my husband is the only one who knows about my depression, i don't want to tell my friends and family. i need to find another support group to go to, so here i am.
i have been seeing a therapist for a couple of months. he really helped, but i am wondering how much of my progress was attributed to the upcoming holidays. we spent seven days in florida during thanksgiving and then another nine days during christmas. the two weeks inbetween i barely worked ( i am an outside sales rep and make my own hours ). we got back on the 28th and i have been so depressed that i am barely able to get out of bed in the morning. i just don't want to face the day. as a sales rep i have to look nice and have a good attitude and i just can't do it. that adds to my inability to get out of bed in the morning. having to face my customers and put on a happy attitude requires too much effort and i don't have the energy in me.
my husband has been very understanding about everything and was the one who suggested that i start seeing a therapist, but my attitude sometimes gets on his nerves. i don't blame him for sometimes getting angry at my attitude. he is also an outside sales rep in the same industry, but works for a competing company. he absolutely loves his job and can't understand why i don't love it like he does. he is frustrated that i do not appreciate the job and that i am not making the most of this opportunity that i was given. he is a natural salesperson and very outgoing, i am not. missing my friends and family and the pressure of the job just saps all my energy, and it requires alot of energy to put on my fake attitude monday - friday.
those are some of my issues. thank you for reading. any suggestions are greatly appreciated as are the friendly words of encouragement :)
i look forward to meeting you all going forward!
happy and prosperous new year to all!

I can totally understand that. I get very depressed when the holidays are over as it is. I came back from a week with my family and am very sad and miss them. I feel like now that the holidays are over it is a letdown and there isn't much to look forward to.
I wish I had some words of wisdom but I do want to send ya a hug.
It sounds like your job might not be very suited to your personality. I also don't like sales. It's very tough to have to force yourself to be happy and outgoing when you are in pain inside. I think it's hard to be really outgoing with strangers no matter how you feel inside. Have you thought of looking for a career that you find more satisfying?
I also have found that once I start to make friends in a new place, I'm much happier. Have you considered taking some classes locally? It's great to do something that you love. You meet people that you share common interests with. I've met wonderful friends this way. I've taken dance classes and classes in psychology. I've met great friends this way. You can take classes in art, dance, ceramics, computers, computer art, photograpy, writing, and many other areas. A community college near you will have just about any kind of class you could imagine.
Another thing you could do is to join clubs. My therapist met her best friend by joining the Sierra Club, which takes hikes together. I think that reaching out is the best way to start to make the place you live into a home. I wish that I had taken classes in the other places I had lived. I would not have been so unhappy and lonely.
That's the best advice I can give.
This is a wonderful community. Welcome to the board. We'd love to have you as a part of this very special, supportive place.
All My Best,
MariaC
i just started this job 7 months ago. i was really lucky to get this job, since i had no experience in this field. my friend's father is my manager, which is probably the main reason i hate it so much. he can be your best friend on minute, the next he is yelling at you for the stupidest reason, then back to your best friend. he treats me like his personal secretary sometimes and gives me his project and assignments that he doesn't want to do. he also calls me to get infomation on what his son (my friend) is doing since they don't talk a whole lot. my friend even says his dad is crazy, they worked together for years, but this was the only way i was getting into this industry. i make really great money so even though i don't think my personality is suited for the job and my manager is hard to deal with (at least i don't have to suffer with him on a daily basis, just occasionally) i can't look for a new job. my husband and i have a monetary goal set so once we get there we can go back home. if i quit it will take so much longer to get to that goal and so much longer to get back home to family and friends. for now i am stuck in this situation until i can get more experience to go to another, better company or my manager retires or takes a position with another company (unlikely). i want to learn to cope with it and learn from it. my therapist has helped, it is just that i have the 'after holiday, fun with family and friends, reality setting in blues'. my therapist doesn't get back for another week and i had to find another way to vent! i have said to people before that this is not the most optimal opportunity, but i was lucky to get it. i need to make the most of it, learn and then move on. the problem is that i haven't made the most of it. i am wallowing in self pity and i will never move on if i don't change. i have another post regarding books to read and have received wonderful suggestions that i have already ordered. i cannot change the job, but i can change my attitude for the sake of my sanity and the sake of my husband's. reading this board has made me realize that and reading of people's successes has shown me it can be done and i can feel better.
I think what you're feeling is normal. You've essentially moved to another planet, and it's a huge adjustment. Bouquets to your DH for all his love and understanding -- we should all be so lucky.
I don't have any advice to offer (not being able to pull out of a hole myself right now), but I can at least "listen." You're always welcome here -- please post as often as you need to.
Welcome to the board!
I understand how losing all that you love can be hard hun especially when the move was not your idea but something you needed to do for your husband. You are lucky that you can keep in such close contact with your friends and family and im sure that helps..
You need to think about starting a life in NJ now too though. Im sure given time you can make more friends there, that wont replace your old one, but just enrich your life even further. Its unfortunate for all of us that Life brings changes all the time and finding ways to cope with those changes is what its all about..
I use to have a great poster that said "Life is what happens to you, while you are planning something else" hehheee
Stick with your therapist and perhaps now that its a new year, talk to him about ways you can make new friends there. Maybe sign up for a class or head to a local gym.. perhaps co-workers you feel a slight connection to can become real friends. Open up to them a bit and maybe they can help.
Im glad you found us here.. I hope you will keep posting and let these wonderful ladies here work some of their support and caring magic.
*hugs