I Have To Get Better

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
I Have To Get Better
6
Thu, 01-01-2004 - 11:08pm
My depression is coming back, I feel it, I have tried everything to keep my head above the water, meds, therapy & prayer, but my life is such a mess, I feel like giving up.

My life is own 3 tracks that I cannot change the course that they are on and my life is being used up dealing with these situations. Track #1 My Mother-She is widowed and has multiple health problems and my sister and I have see to her needs, doctor appointments, grocery buying, meds, hair appointments, etc., she does not drive and every trip is ours, but that is not the problem, the problem is her attitude, she complains endlessly, nothing we do or work out for her is good enough and she doesn't want us to go anywhere and do anything with our families because of her limitations, she makes everthing so hard.Tract #2- My oldest son-He is a 23 year old that will not work, does drugs and drinks way too much, arrested for DUI last year and is now on 2yr. probation, I have tried to help him but he has zero respect for what I say and says he will live his life the way he wants but when the chips are down he comes to us (my husband and I) and we have to see to his needs. He has had consuling and says it is bullsh$t. I love my son but I don't know how much more I can take. Track #3-My youngest son-He was unplanned and a very big surprise(I wasn't supposed to be able to have children, my oldest was adopted at 5 months)and so at 40 I become a birth mother for the very first time. I love my little boy now age 10 but he is a handfull because he has Asperger's Syndrome (high functioning Autism) thank God he is high function BUT, it is NOT like raising "normal" children and he has many extra needs that I have to address, he is on medication and I deal with things that come up every week at his school.

I don't know if I can live like this anymore, the two people I love so much, my mother and my oldest son I can't hardly stand to be around them anymore. Life has lost it's appeal to me and now I am just going through the routine of doing what I have to do. I am in a very dark place.

Thank you for listening to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Thu, 01-01-2004 - 11:32pm

{{{{{{{{{{bamagirl2004}}}}}}}}}}


Welcome to the board sweetie!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Fri, 01-02-2004 - 4:08am

((((((((((((((((((((((((((bamagirl2004))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))


I want to welcome you to the board, but it sounds like you need hugs and a break more than anything else.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Fri, 01-02-2004 - 10:41am


Oh honeu I am sorry that things are so tough for you right now...

Your mom is like my great Aunt my mother takes care of her taking her to the doctor shopping for clothes and food ect...she is mostly ungrateful for all that my mom does for her but she is elderly and needs help with daily life she cant see or hear too well anymore but she is still not as grateful to my mother as she should be, And she and I do not get along too well when I was a teenager she told me I was crazy and she was going to have me locked up in south 1 the mental ward of the hospital around here not a good place to go....I I kinda get where you are coming from with your mom...

You son the 23 year old one wow I am 28 years old and from what you wrote reminds me of a very good friend of mine who was an awesome person huge heart beautiful sould but like your son he didnt care he did ALOT of drugs and he just gave up was in and out of jail hurt his parent whom loved him so much my friend was loved by everyone who was lucky enough to have had him in their life unfortunatly my friend died was in a car accident, I am not saying that this is what will happen to your son but just what you told me braught back memories of my friend I hope that your son gets himself straight with the drinking drugs he is lucky he didnt kill someone or kill himself and I hope that he starts to see the pain he is putting you thru and gets his you know what in gear...

I am sorry if I sound harsh but I have no tolerance for kids that hurt their parent and causes pain to their family I did it to my mom when I was a teenager and I grew up real fast and I saw my friend do it to his family and the hurt is alwasys gonna be there your son needs to realize that he is still so young sill can make a change with his life..

I am sorry there I went again this is just such a touchy topic for me and I tend to be overly opinionated..

Good luck with the boys honey and with your mom.

Erin

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2003
Fri, 01-02-2004 - 10:57am
Wow, my heart really goes out to you. And here I was thinking my life was the worst thing in the world. I'd say that I'll pray for you but I'm not religious so all I can do is wish and hope. You sound like you could use dr. Phil though:S. However I can totally see how that is not an option for all. I have a few suggestions that you don't have to pay attention to:

mother: Have you considered putting her in a nursing home? If she is as immobile and helpless as she seems she is, perhaps it is time you put her in the hands of professional care. She sounds like she is complaining because she is lonely. If she is around those that around her age, perhaps things won't be as naggy. life is too short to deal with quarrels.

Son: He's 23. That's older than 21. You and your husband need to lay down the law---either get help and get better when he comes to you or get no help at all and leave you alone. If you are softhearted, he'll learn to take advantage of you until he's 40 and beyond. He's old enough to take care of himself and trust me he WON'T throw away his only help and support system. You've got to be firm. And he's gotta go into rehab.

Son #2:Are there any local support groups for women who have children with similar problems? You sound like you need someone who understands where you are coming from to talk to. Best of luck.

Meanwhile, turn to your husband for support. Turn to your friends for support. YOu can't be strong for everyone because you need someone too. Maybe even consider counseling for yourself---and a day at the spa or something.

Love,

Lotus

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2007
Fri, 01-02-2004 - 1:42pm

((((((((((((((Bamagirl))))))))))))), I'm glad you found our board.

 

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CL-ladybug987

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Sat, 01-03-2004 - 9:00pm
Thank you all so much for taking the time to respond to my message. Everyone of you had very good suggestions and I will take each into my thoughts but I just thank you so much for replying with support & kindness, my problems are not ones that will be solved tomorrow or the next day and maybe not in my life time, but it helps knowing there are people that understand depression. I want to again thank each and everyone of you.