Desperately seeking advice-new here
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Desperately seeking advice-new here
| Fri, 01-02-2004 - 2:17pm |
About a year ago, I noticed that I needed help. I am a 25 year old woman who has a history of depression with myself and also my family. I was put on Tofranil as a while along with Ritalin to deal with depression and ADD. I went off both shortly after high school because I was in denial and felt that I didn’t need it since I had gotten into an ivy league school and I was doing well.. My doctor said that I don’t show any signs of ADD anymore (which may or may not be true) but once I got engaged and was dealing with the stress of family and weddings etc, I knew that I needed help. I remember yelling at my husband before the wedding about it being too hot or too cold or that there was no milk. I was fighting with everyone and I couldn’t stop. It was horrible, I was horrible. I went on Lexapro and so far its been great. No side effects so far in the past year. I only take 10mg. My problem is with Christmas and the holidays come and gone, I was really having problems. I hate to think that my depression is causing arguments with my family but literally the slightest thing would set me off, like if my husband was 30 minutes late coming home for dinner. I have had an issue at work with another co-worker for me shooting my mouth off about something that shouldn’t have been shared and I totally got in trouble. Its like I cant stop. I don’t think before I act. I don’t know what to do. I was thinking about talking to my doctor about uping my dosage to 20 mg but I don’t know. When my doctor asks me to describe what I’m feeling when it comes to depression, I have a horrible time explaining it. I want to get the right medication for this but I need some help talking to her. All I can explain to her is that I feel out of control, argumentative, sad at times and happy at others, if things don’t go perfect I slip into a bad mood coma and make things worse. Is there anything else I can describe to her to get the proper treatment? Has anyone else had similar issues?

Hello and welcome to the board.........
You sound just like me about a year ago I was fighting with everyone in my family co-workers I kept quiting one job and finding a new one then quiting that job this went on for years as a teenager I faught with friends and family they all just thought that this was how I was and how I was going to stay until a year ago when I finally saught out help and was diagnosed as having bipokar disorder what a relief that was.
Maybe you have a mood disorder have you talked to your pdoc obout the possibility that you may have one?
it seems that you cycle alot between the good the bad and the ugly, I am no doctor and all I really have is my own experiance of what I went thru and you really do sound alot like me maybe try to talk to the pdoc see what he/she says.
I also think that you did a great job describing how you feel maybe though try to dewscribe your action when you are in that state how long does it last what brings it on is it the actions of others or your own actions do you get flushed anzious maybe write it all out that is what I did and it helped alot good luck and hope to hear from you again.
Erin
:-)
Good luck. I am also on Lexapro (3 weeks so far). It seems to be helping, I also have the problem with getting into a grumpy mood. Christmas was hard, but I am hopefull that things will start improving again.
Jacqueline mom of Talia Rhiannon (05/04/98) & Ellowyn Nerys (02/07/02)
Thanxeveryone.
:)rebecca
Hi hun!
Just wanted to Welcome you to the board!
Sounds like a great idea to go talk to you doctor and taking a copy of what you wrote is not a bad idea either. We often forget what we wanted to say when suddenly confronted by the words " So how are you?" hehe..
Good luck and let us know how you are doing.
We are a great bunch of listeners here!


*hugs
*hugs
It took me awhile to stop being so reactive. It helped me to realize that things don't ever go perfectly. It's more important to be kind, than to put other people down.
I can recommend a few books to you. One is about changing your self-talk and expectations. It's called "The Feeling Good Handbook" by David Burns, MD. It's a big book, but it has different sections for different issues. You could probably use the depression and anxiety sections.
Another thing I learned in a self-help group is that "anger doesn't equal abuse." In my family, we expressed whatever emotion we felt inside, especially anger. If we felt hurt, we would lash out.
I realized that there is a moment between when I got angry and when I lashed out where I could stop myself. It takes noticing that you've just been triggered. Once you can notice that, then you can stop yourself. You take a deep breath. Then you ask yourself what you are really feeling. It takes practice to learn to see what you are really feeling. If your husband is late, you may feel disrespected and unimportant to him. If you had company over and he's late, you may feel ashamed, like he's making you look bad.
It's important to see what feelings and beliefs lie under the anger. If you can tell your husband your deeper feelings, he will understand where you are coming from instead of feeling attacked and abused by your anger. If you say something like, "When you are late, I feel uncertain and insecure. I feel like I can't count on you. That scares me. It reminds me of when I was young and I couldn't count on my mother (or father)." Or say whatever applies to your situation. Maybe when he's late it reminds you of when you were late when you were young and your parents would make you feel ashamed. So his being late might bring up your old sense of shame about being late.
A great book that helps you learn to get to the deeper truth inside you is called "Conscious Loving" by Gay and Katie Hendricks. There's another book by that title that's a sex book, so make sure you get the right authors!
The final book I think you would benefit from reading is called "Healing the Shame that Binds You" by John Bradshaw. It is an amazing book. It shows how our inner shame is responsible for most of our pain. It can shed light on why you have the emotional reactions you have. When you understand them, you can recognize how the feeling you probably get right before anger and lashing out is a deep sense of shame. The anger is how you try to get away from the shame or control the situation so you feel more in control. Anger gives you a false sense of power and rightness. It helps to push fear and shame away from our consciousness.
Therapy will probably help you learn some new skills to gain control of yourself. If your family growing up had poor boundaries, then you have a lifetime of blurting your feelings and thoughts out to deprogram. A good therapist can help more than you can imagine. I saw someone for 6 months last year who has changed my life by helping me think of events differently. I'm on medication, which evens my temper. But the therapy was the missing piece that helped me become happier.
Welcome to the board. This is a very supportive place. You can always join us here if you need to vent or want input and support.
Take Care,
Maria C