Books

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2003
Books
7
Fri, 01-02-2004 - 8:22pm
Any suggestions for good self help books regarding motivation, self esteem, coping, happiness, dealing with depression?

Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2003
In reply to: ufgators1
Fri, 01-02-2004 - 9:19pm
Hi Ufgators1,

I am new to this board and posted my first message on Jan. 1, after lurking for a long time. Everyone here is so supportive and it has helped me a lot. I am currently reading 'Feeling Good - The New Mood Therapy' by David D. Burns M.D. It seems to be one of the most popular around and certainly has a large readership. I have only just started, but it seems like it could be a step in the right direction at least. It certainly can't do any harm. I have bought a couple of other books on depression, but they are mainly about the illness and not CBT or similar therapies. Hope this is of use to you. Others will probably give more suggestions. Good to 'talk' to you.

Yvonne

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
In reply to: ufgators1
Sat, 01-03-2004 - 1:43am
I'm the book girl, so I have tons of suggestions. I love to read. I'm getting my masters in psychology. And I'm also an author myself. But I'll keep to the highlights in today.

I just recommended a few books in another post on this board.

The best self-helps that I've read are the following:

"The Feeling Good Handbook" by David Burns, MD.

This book is a how to on changing your feelings and thought that keep you stuck in the darkness, or pull you back down there when you are happy. It is based on Cognitive Behavior Therapy, which is a form of therapy that has basically taken all of the practical things from other therapies that work the best and combined them.

Depressed people tend to be perfectionists and all-or-nothing thinkers. We go from one extreme to another. Since nothing can be perfect, we tend to downplay the good and focus on the bad. We don't let ourselves be human. We beat ourselves up for making mistakes.

Depressed people also tend to make a lot of overgeneralizations about our lives. We tend to see patterns in our past, using unrelated events with different causes to prove to ourselves that we aren't lovable, that everyone leaves us, that we are losers, can't be happy, etc.

This book has step-by-step ways to reveal and change these habits and beliefs. My therapist recommended it to me. She taught me CBT techniques that have changed my life. That is not an overstatement. I was suicidally depressed, at the low of my life when I started seeing her over a year ago. Within a month I had much more happiness. Within 5 months of therapy I was able to use the techniques on my own. I quit therapy after 6 months. I haven't been back. I've thought of going back at times, but even when I get down again, I eventually remember how to use the techniques and I get back to being happy again.

The biggest thing I learned from my therapist is that I am just human, no better or worse than anyone else. She helped me to give myself a break. And she also helped me break down all these situations I had used to prove that people who know me well stop loving me. She listened to my three big abandonment stories and said, "Well, those are totally different situations. All these people had big emotional and relationship issues of their own. It had nothing to do with you." I was like, "Really? What a relief!"

Next book:

"The Secret of Overcoming Verbal Abuse" by Albert Ellis

I could read this book all day. Even if you don't feel like you have been emotionally abused, this is a great book. It helps because we depressed people emotionally abuse ourselves every day!

Next book:

"Healing the Shame that Binds You" by John Bradshaw.

This book helped me understand myself and everyone I know. It gave me so much insight into why people run the games and do the intense things they do. It helped me to understand that I had this deep shame that kept me stuck in thinking I didn't deserve any credit or happiness.

Those are the three best I know. For men who are depressed "I Don't Want to Talk About It: The Secret Legacy of Male Depression" by Terrence Real is awesome. I've never read anything like it. It helped me understand the men in my life. I think every man and every woman should read it.

If you have relationship problems books like "Smart Women, Foolish Choices" and "All Men Are Jerks, Until Proven Otherwise" are really great. They break down men's behavior, what it means, and how we create and can uncreate unhappiness.

For communication "Conscious Loving" by Gay and Katie Hendricks is very good.

Let me know if you want something specific.

MariaC

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2003
In reply to: ufgators1
Sat, 01-03-2004 - 2:13am
thank you both for the suggestions!

should i read 'feeling good - the new mood therapy' prior to 'the feeling good handbook'?

should i read both to get the most out of them?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
In reply to: ufgators1
Sat, 01-03-2004 - 11:16am

Mind Over Mood: Change How You Feel by Changing the Way You Think
By

*hugs             

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2007
In reply to: ufgators1
Sat, 01-03-2004 - 11:54am

I'm another book person!

 

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CL-ladybug987

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
In reply to: ufgators1
Sat, 01-03-2004 - 1:53pm
Two books that have helped me immensely are How I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying To Kill Me and Conquering The Beast Within. Don't know the authors right off hand but ask your local library or look for them in your bookstore. I finally bought mine so I could have them too look at whenever I felt I needed to. Andrea
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
In reply to: ufgators1
Sat, 01-03-2004 - 10:59pm
Ufgators, I wish I could answer your question about which "Feeling Good" book to read first. I think the handbook was written second. It may just be the updated version of the New Mood Therapy book.

Maria C