Delurking....Hoping to find a friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Delurking....Hoping to find a friend
4
Sun, 01-04-2004 - 10:13am

Hello everyone.....


I'm so glad that I found this board, and I'm hoping to get some answers..... As a brief backgroud, I just turned 34 years old, am married to my highschool sweetheart for 8 years, no children.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Sun, 01-04-2004 - 11:24am

HI Jennifer Welcome!! Hi Ya

Im glad you found us and I hope you find a friend here too!


From your post it does sound to me like you may be suffering depression and I know you want to "beat it on your own", but sometimes it is partly chemical too and so a short course of Meds may be the "jump start" your body needs to get going again.


As

*hugs             

Avatar for marykkr
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
Sun, 01-04-2004 - 1:44pm
(((((Jennifer))))), depression is absolutely hereditary, although experts disagree if it's genetics or family dynamics at work. I know it runs back several generations in my mother's family.

I know exactly, because I'm there too, but trying to fight it. I overeat instead of oversleeping, but a lot of it is the same. I weigh almost 400 lbs, my finances are a wreck, I'm working a deadend job I hate, and men won't even look at me, unless it's as a buddy.

I've learned through bitter experience that you can't fight it on moral strength alone. This is a medical problem, no different than diabetes, and needs to be treated. Do you have a therapist? Mine is the answer to several prayers. Call your county's Mental Health Association for a referral. They can refer you to a community agency with a sliding fee scale, with reduced prices (or even cost-free, depending on your circumstances and community). That's how I found mine, and I wouldn't trade him for his weight in platinum. Together we're finally starting to make a dent in the mountain of you-know-what that I've been buried under for the last 50 years.

Please keep posting and let us know how things are going for you. We all care!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Sun, 01-04-2004 - 2:23pm
Jennifer,

Welcome to the Board! Thanks for coming out of lurkdom. No matter how many times people say that they've been lurking and decided to start posting, I forget that we still have lurkers out there.

You sound like you have the major signs of depression. Loss of interest in life and activities you used to enjoy, like reading. Significant increase in sleeping. Significant weight gain. I know that desire to sleep very well. Actually, sleep is still one of my favorite activities, though I've been far less depressed for the past year.

Many people believe that they should be able to "get over" depression on their own. But as you have seen, depression can have a strong genetic factor. Part of depression is the change in brain chemistry that occurs when you have been feeling down for more than a few weeks at a time. Your brain's chemistry actually changes.

Studies show that you can change your brain chemistry back with antidepressants or with therapy and changes in your thinking.

There are three things that have the highest success with curing depression. The highest success rate happens by a combination of antidepressants and Cognitive Behavior Therapy. This kind of therapy is designed to stop the negative thought patterns and perfectionistic beliefs that keep pulling you back into the depression. You've probably seen the book "The Feeling Good Handbook" by David Burns, MD mentioned on this board. This book and several others that posters have recommended, teach the methods of Cognitive Therapy. CBT works, but only if you make an effort to use it in your life. You have to do the exercises, and apply them during the day. It's especially important to notice when you are thinking about negative things, like people who have hurt you in the past or how unfair a certain situation is in your life. When you can see that you are dwelling on something negative, or interpreting events in a negative way, you use the exercises to stop your thinking pattern, or reinterpret events in a neutral or positive way.

This isn't Pollyanna thinking. It isn't just telling people to "think positive." It's about looking at your beliefs and the way you interpret your life. People who are prone to depression tend to be perfectionistic, all-or-nothing thinkers. We tend to overgeneralize, seeing negative patterns in unrelated events. My therapist helped me to look at my big overgeneralizations in detail and see that I was putting a theme on completely unrelated situations. It helped me so much.

So what I recommend for you is to go back to your doctor to get a new prescription for an antidepressant. Stay away from Paxil. I'm on it and it works, but it's addictive. Plus, it makes you sleep more.

Also ask your doctor for the names of a few good therapists. Call around to the names he or she gives you. Find out if any of them use Cognitive Behavior Therapy and if any specialize in treating depression. With the right help, depression has a very high success rate in treatment.

I feel for you. I know what it's like to feel so down, sabotage your life, and not know how to treat your spouse the way they want to be treated.

Take Care,

MariaC

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2003
Sun, 01-04-2004 - 3:57pm
Hi there

I am on Paxil and it is hard to come off of. But my doctor(s) have always said that it is NOT addictive. So I don't know what to tell ya there. I am tired all the time, but I was tired all the time before I started on anti-depressants anyway so I don't know.

I just wanted welcome you.

Pamela

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