Hopeless today...(possible triggers)

Avatar for marykkr
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
Hopeless today...(possible triggers)
5
Sun, 01-04-2004 - 1:59pm
A new year supposedly means hope and new beginnings, but all I can feel is the same old same old all over again. Plus, some scary things have happened lately. Last night I woke up with a nasty pain in the middle of my chest (one doctor has said acid reflux, another thinks early asthma). The fact that I'm here, breathing normally and talking (at least semi-) coherently tells me I didn't have a heart attack. But at my age (50) and size, who knows how long it might be? All of my friends are disgusted with me about how I've never lost the excess weight (I weigh 400 lbs), but try feeling like, if you don't eat whatever you're craving, something terrible will happen! I know how stupid that sounds, but it's a real and very frightening feeling. Or its more common variant: if I don't eat this, I'll never be able to get it again. Hello??? This is California. I think I'll probably always be able to find enchiladas or Brie cheese. I feel like the complete idiot my father always said I was.

I want so much to find a new job and a new man, but my size and age are strikes against me (my ex-DH told me once that my size cancels everything else about me). As furious as I was at him for saying it, I'm beginning to wonder if he wasn't right. It's been almost 13 years since I've even had my hand held. That's a very long time to go without love.

I'm about to cry, and I feel terribly alone and like a hopeless failure. Somebody talk to me, please!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Sun, 01-04-2004 - 5:25pm
Hi Mary,

I felt so bad for you when I read your message. I too am overweight. I suggest you try the compulsive overeaters message board. The ladies are very supportive and non judgmental.

Ironically, though I have lost fifteen pounds since going on Wellbutrin, I am still very hard on myself. (I weighed 270 at one point.)

I got very depressed over the last few days. I have a wonderful husband and family. My father said something that really helped me yesterday. He said I was not seeing reality because my depression was clouding my vision. Your reality is not as bad as you think, it is your depression talking. Realize also that you can only take one step at a time. I kinda went crazy this year trying to change everything at once. All I did was stress myself out.

Pick one thing and stick with it then pick another. (Like drinking eight glasses of water a day.)

Good luck and remember you are not alone.

S.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Sun, 01-04-2004 - 5:33pm

(((((((((((((((((Mary)))))))))))))))))))))))))


Its important to remember the year is young!! Just cause things didnt suddenly change all at once on Jan 1 doesnt mean things cant get better.


As Trac would say hun.. BABY STEPS!


If weight loss is your goal then start with that.. I agree there are lots of boards here at ivillage that can help and if its a fear you have about your cravings then try starting with one food.. Tell yourself right now you are not going to eat Brie cheese or whatever and just see what happens.. give it one week and reward yourself! Then you can slowly tell yourself that you CAN DO IT! Because you can!!


No one can stop you from becoming what you want to be.. the past is past and the future starts NOW...even if its not Jan 1 anymore!


Sending lots of support and caring!!

*hugs

*hugs             

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2007
Sun, 01-04-2004 - 8:33pm

(((((((Mary))))))), I can understand how frightening it must feel to think you can never ever have your favorite food again.

 

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CL-ladybug987

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 4:06am
Hi,

Mary, Your post was like I wrote it. I feel you pain, but we cannot keep going on year after year in this funk..Let's work together to get ourselves together. Support they say is the best way to achieve something. Who better to understand it then someone in the same boat.

My 3 goals, have been each new year..Lose weight( I weigh 358), save more money , find a job I truly am happy with.

Let's tackle a little bit of each one together and HOPEFULLY when 2005 rolls around we will be on our way.

I have some friends here but it is hard to share how I really feel with them, they seem satisfied with job and have $$, and wear between a 5 and 10).

I am willing to try if you are. You will be in my prayers, something led me here tonight, I have not been on ivillage in over a year.

You ARE NOT alone.

Becca

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 10:10am


Sweetie,

You are not an idiot at all and I know what it is like with having an obsession with food...with me it is different than the way it is with you, for me it is an obsession with not eating and working out too much although I have begun to break those habits I am learning to become more comfortable with food and trying to keep myself healthy...

I have an aunt who is about 300 pounds and my family is so unsupportive of her they pick on her thinking that is what will make her lose the weight when in fact it just makes her eat more and she is one of the most incredible human beings that I have ever met she is so easy to talk to and she is so understanding and she loves me but I see how sad she gets when my family makes comments on her weight so she stopped coming to family functions because of it and that hurt me to see her so hurt.

so my point is hun if you want to lose weight do it for you not for anyone else do it for your health do it for all the reasons that are good for you dont do it because your freinds or family say so you will never be happy that way, also I am reading this book called odylove it is a type of CBT and teaches you ways to love yourself to accept the body that way given to you and how to change those negative thoughts that we all have in our minds.

we are all here for you hun please vent whenever needed.

Erin