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| Wed, 01-07-2004 - 1:12pm |
All I know is that I have had depression 4 times in my life, and each time, it has gotten better. I have been depression-free for 1 1/2 years now, and it's great. I am 38, and the first time I got depression was when I was 29 - at the time, I didn't understand why it happened to me, but there were a bunch of good reasons, like I was living in a foreign country at the time, having married an Englishman, I was on pins and needles, waiting for my immigration application to be approved, I had quite a bit of culture shock. Plus, I'm an only child, and my mom was over in the States with ovarian cancer - I could not go see her, because as I said, immigration had my passport, so I was 'stuck' in England. She was not expected to get better, she was diagnosed in Stage 3, and was undergoing treatment. Then my dad got prostate cancer. (believe it or not though, after a while, they both got better). My husband and I were moving at the time, so that was stressful too. Plus, I was out of a job. Now I guess I can see why all that depressed me, but I was so hard on myself at the time!
So, what I really want to say to all of you who are going through the 'Black Dog', is that it got better for me, even though I thought it never could. The national health service is England makes you wait forever to get into see a doctor, so effectively, I had no health coverage until my appointment with a psychiatrist/psychologist came up. I know things aren't perfect, and that sometimes we do not have resources to the healthcare/support we need, so...
WE NEED TO HELP OURSELVES! Wow, what a struggle that can be! But - to get me through it, I read some great books, like '10 Days to Self-Esteem' by a Dr. Burns, who gets you to do exercises, and to examine any illogical thought patterns you may be having. I wrote down my feelings a lot, and then on the other side of the page, I wrote down the reality, and usually the reality (when I put things in perspective), seemed better than my thoughts about something. Just the process of writing down your thoughts and getting them on paper, made them seem so much less significant then they were when they were racing around like tornadoes in my head. I also read 'Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway', but Susan Jeffers, and that was a great book for me, because I had panic attacks too.
I finally got on Prozac, and it works great - for me anyway, but whenever I've tried to come off of it over these past years, I usually slip back into panic attacks and then depression, so I have had to come to terms with the fact I will probably be on it the rest of my life. There is NO shame in having to take medication - you never asked for this depression to be brought into your life, so I think anything that helps it go away - well - go for it!
If nothing else I have said helps, I just wanted you to know that depression is beatable - sometimes you have to put effort into it, because after all, it was your mind that made you sick in the first place, and it's your mind that will eventually make you better. I learned something from depression - that I was worrying too much, and that I was believing my negative thoughts too much. Once you realize things about yourself, then you can start to change them.
If you are walking through the darkness right now, know that I have walked there too, and know that eventually, you will come out to the light.
If I can help anyone with anything, just reply to this and ask.
Good luck, guys. You have come to a good place, here. You are writing and reading and seeking help - that is great - be proud of yourselves!

God Bless Ya
~Jen~
Thanks again for sharing your story with us.
MariaC
AWESOME Post!!
*hugs
Bless you all,
Julie