Lurker Speaks out

Avatar for gobfuse
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Lurker Speaks out
5
Wed, 01-07-2004 - 1:12pm
I have read a lot of your posts over the past few weeks, and thought, when you are in depression, what can I really say to make you feel better?

All I know is that I have had depression 4 times in my life, and each time, it has gotten better. I have been depression-free for 1 1/2 years now, and it's great. I am 38, and the first time I got depression was when I was 29 - at the time, I didn't understand why it happened to me, but there were a bunch of good reasons, like I was living in a foreign country at the time, having married an Englishman, I was on pins and needles, waiting for my immigration application to be approved, I had quite a bit of culture shock. Plus, I'm an only child, and my mom was over in the States with ovarian cancer - I could not go see her, because as I said, immigration had my passport, so I was 'stuck' in England. She was not expected to get better, she was diagnosed in Stage 3, and was undergoing treatment. Then my dad got prostate cancer. (believe it or not though, after a while, they both got better). My husband and I were moving at the time, so that was stressful too. Plus, I was out of a job. Now I guess I can see why all that depressed me, but I was so hard on myself at the time!

So, what I really want to say to all of you who are going through the 'Black Dog', is that it got better for me, even though I thought it never could. The national health service is England makes you wait forever to get into see a doctor, so effectively, I had no health coverage until my appointment with a psychiatrist/psychologist came up. I know things aren't perfect, and that sometimes we do not have resources to the healthcare/support we need, so...

WE NEED TO HELP OURSELVES! Wow, what a struggle that can be! But - to get me through it, I read some great books, like '10 Days to Self-Esteem' by a Dr. Burns, who gets you to do exercises, and to examine any illogical thought patterns you may be having. I wrote down my feelings a lot, and then on the other side of the page, I wrote down the reality, and usually the reality (when I put things in perspective), seemed better than my thoughts about something. Just the process of writing down your thoughts and getting them on paper, made them seem so much less significant then they were when they were racing around like tornadoes in my head. I also read 'Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway', but Susan Jeffers, and that was a great book for me, because I had panic attacks too.

I finally got on Prozac, and it works great - for me anyway, but whenever I've tried to come off of it over these past years, I usually slip back into panic attacks and then depression, so I have had to come to terms with the fact I will probably be on it the rest of my life. There is NO shame in having to take medication - you never asked for this depression to be brought into your life, so I think anything that helps it go away - well - go for it!

If nothing else I have said helps, I just wanted you to know that depression is beatable - sometimes you have to put effort into it, because after all, it was your mind that made you sick in the first place, and it's your mind that will eventually make you better. I learned something from depression - that I was worrying too much, and that I was believing my negative thoughts too much. Once you realize things about yourself, then you can start to change them.

If you are walking through the darkness right now, know that I have walked there too, and know that eventually, you will come out to the light.

If I can help anyone with anything, just reply to this and ask.

Good luck, guys. You have come to a good place, here. You are writing and reading and seeking help - that is great - be proud of yourselves!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2002
In reply to: gobfuse
Wed, 01-07-2004 - 2:57pm
Thank you so much for posting this. I don't think I could have said it better myself!!! You are so right on with everything that you said!!!! I am looking forward to getting to know you!!! Welcome to the board!!

God Bless Ya

~Jen~

Anne
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
In reply to: gobfuse
Wed, 01-07-2004 - 3:39pm
thank you for sharing with all of us! i am glad that your parents both got better. i am sure that was an incredibly hard time for your family. thanks for offering some hope, it is always nice to hear that people have beaten depression. i have been taking prozac for 9 years now, and i especailly like to hear about others that have been taking it for a long time. i try to feel normal about it, but it makes me feel better to know that i am not alone!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
In reply to: gobfuse
Wed, 01-07-2004 - 5:20pm
What an incredible post! Thank you so much for sharing your inspiring story. Every success story about beating depression helps. We all know what it feels like to be in the darkness and feel like you'll never come out. Some of us know what it's like to come out of it for long periods of time. I used to think that I was the one person who would never get better. But even I came out of it with antidepressants and the right therapy. You are right that the only way to beat depression is to do the work yourself. Therapists and books can't help if you don't put their methods to work every day in your life. We can share what has worked for each of us, but the only way out is for each person to commit to doing the work themselves. I still have to do it every day.

Thanks again for sharing your story with us.

MariaC

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
In reply to: gobfuse
Wed, 01-07-2004 - 6:35pm

AWESOME Post!!

*hugs             

Avatar for gobfuse
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
In reply to: gobfuse
Wed, 01-07-2004 - 9:04pm
Wow! Thank you guys for responding. Now I don't feel like I'm on the outside anymore. It does help, even without depression knocking at my door, to know that there is a board I can come to, because there are times when I get low, and you start wondering if "It's" coming back again. It's like when you've broken a bone or something and it's healed, you still sometimes have those rainy day aches.

Bless you all,

Julie