want to smile

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
want to smile
1
Thu, 01-08-2004 - 12:02am
ok, i don't really have anything new that is bothering me. i feel guilty for writing because i feel like i am just complaining about the same stuff. but i figured you guys wouldn't mind helping me smile. i am sad because i don't have a job- i want to work but i can't find anything that i want to do at all or that pays more than i would have gotten in high school. besides, it is hard for me to rationalize doing something i don't want to do for less money than my unemployment. and then i wonder why i am even looking when modeling and acting is back (over the holiday season there is no i really can't have a full time job, because i don't want to give up modeling and acting, but i also need something to do regularly and have a little money and purpose when i am not getting the other jobs. but i just don't have the energy to put forth right now for any of it. i feel like i can't get anywhere, and i don't want it to be like that.

plus, what was keeping me happy was my boyfriend. yes, i know and i told myself that someone else can't make you happy, you have to make yourself happy. and i want to have my own life, instead of doing nothing while he is busy at work. but now i am sad because he has been working really long hours (like going home and going straight to bed). so tonight i went over to surprise him and say hi, and he was falling asleep after i had been there like 30 minutes. i knew it was late for him and he had to go to bed, but i haven't seen him all week and won't for the rest of the week until saturday. i don't want to be a bad girlfriend and not be understanding- i do understand that he has alot going on right now at work. but i miss him. and i feel bad about that too. aaaah! nothing that life altering, i just feel like an annoying slug right now who can't get her butt moving to do something productive with her life. sorry for being annoying guys, i am just starting to freak myself up by not getting out of bed until noon and then not doing much once i am up. i am embarrassed/afraid about it and i want it to change. it is like 0 degrees out, there are no jobs, except for my boyfriends job where he spends like 14 hours a day this week. ok, i'm done venting now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2003
In reply to: voguegirl15
Thu, 01-08-2004 - 12:19am
Hi Voguegirl,

I don't really know you yet, but I'm J. It's a huge bummer when you can't be around the people you love the most. Hopefully he will work less time soon. Keep your head up looking for a job. I think you are right to hold out for somehting that you would like to do. Don't get yourself into an unfullfilling job that you hate just because you think you should be working - that is not fun!

You want to smile! I do too, but your profile made me smile in a couple of ways:

I'm a Leo too (Aug 20) I always smile at other Leos because if I don't we will probably have a knock down drag out fight about who is better and should be the center of attention! Hee hee j/k. I love being a Leo!

Also, I had to smile remembering Party of Five. I loved that show and was completely addicted. In highschool I would have a Party of Five party at my house every Wednesday and got all of my friends addicted. Ahh the good ole days :)

Try to take care and get some sleep!

J