update,vent ,maybe a little whine!!!!!!!
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| Thu, 01-08-2004 - 10:38am |
I wanted to thank all of you for the support that you have been showing me and for keeping Hannah (my neice) in your thoughts, she is doing fine she came home from the hospital the same day it was an insision not huge but still she will have a small scar but the way the doctor cut it will be on a laugh line that way it wont be all too noticable which is good the strawberry on her face was alot more noticable than the scar ever will be but she is just as beautiful with or without it. So thank you to all of you for thinking of hannah while she was in the hospital....
For Barb my sister and I used to talk all of the time we have or shall I say were really close that is until Luis moved in even then we would all still talk and hang out have dinner at home together and then over time I kinda got forgotten about we stopped all eating together and just my sister and Luis would eat together the movie watching stopped the talking stopped and all of the sudden Luis had control of the house he has storage bins in my room his motorcycle is in the Luandry room which takes up a ton of space hence why his bins are in my room, I always seem to do something wrong when it comes to Luis and my sister. So basically I am invisible the only time either one of them talks to me is to ask me to do something like babysit my neice no one ever asks how my day was or what I have been up to I am ignored to put it very simply my sister is always so quick to do things for Luis but if I ask her to do something she has some reason as to why she cant when I went into the mental ward of the hospital near my I asked her to bring me my doedorant and tooth brush and a change of close that way I could take a shower she said she couldnt cause she had to work but when Luis was in the hospital she was more than ready to call of work...her and I have a rift between us that may never be put back together.
I am composing a letter to my friend Sareen the one who is nasty to me at times I think that she may be a borderline just a gut feeling that I have So I have ll these thoughts and feelings in my head and heart and I want to write them onto papaer I have not decided if I am going to give her the letter or not I probably will end up mailing it to her but there is just so much that I have in my head so many emotions that I need to vent them out and with her paper is the best way to do it her and I cant talk about this stuff face to face she will get way too defensive, so wish me luck with that...
I am trying to make some decisions in my life right now, I want to move back to Arizona to be with my son but I am so afraid what if my sons father doesnt want me there he said to me about a year ago when I talked to him about it that Jakob has a life of his own there a schedual he has his step mom basically to me it sounded like he was trying to tell me to stay away that my son didnt need me and that hurt so bad I wanted to die right then and there I know I have every right in the world to be with my son but I still would feel much better with Jeremy approvsl I know that Stephanie(jakobs step mother) would have no problem at all in fact I think she would be happy about it, but I am so afraid to start over I tend to let fear rule my wolrd there are so many things I never did because I was afraid..I am so unhappy in Connecticut I think that I have become even more depressed since moving back here...
Well on a happy note I am pretty normal feeling right now I am not sad well except the fact that me and my sister arent talking but otherwise I feel okay....I am a little moody which for me means that I will fly off the handel at things like if I cant fix something or figure something out I get upset with myself and yell at myself..or I get really hyper super hyper is what I call it but it is part of the bipolar disorder so I try to catch myself before it gets bad...
So now that I have whined and vented I feel much better, I will be sure to catch up on all of the posts today Isee there is quite a few new ones on the board...
Thank you ladies and have a great day.
Erin

Can you tell your sister how you feel? Sometimes it's the reason things are the way they are can be pretty surprising. It could all be a misunderstanding. I say it's worth a shot, hun.
Hugs
Pamela
((((((Erin)))))), that's such good news about Hannah.
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