is it me?????????????????????
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| Fri, 01-09-2004 - 12:09pm |
I am wondering if it is me or is it the rest of the world around me.....
As you all know my gripe about my living situation with my sister and Luis how my battle is lost and I guess I just have to take things as they are I have no say in anyting and Luis rules the house and I account as only someone who pays rent and watches my neice for my sister, I am ignored constantly and I am just tired of it so I am trying to figure out if it is me or them I know that I am not always right but I am not always wrong either, SO I guess I will just have to deal for now try to save money and get the hell out of there.
I sent my freidn Sareen a letter this mornng expressing to her how I feel about the way she treats me and talks to me I told her how much I love her and how she will always be important to me but she needs to try to understand the way she is wil me and how it hurts me I also told her that I think she is borderline personality and sent some info along with the letter her roommate (who is also a friend of mine) agrees with me and my therapist also thinks that she is borderline so it is in the mail and she should get it sometime next week, I am afraid of how she will react but in the same sence I really dont care I am just glad I was able to get all of these emotions out of me and unto paper and I just hope that she will be able to understand where I am coming from I was not mean or harsh nor did I say anything nasty to her and I even reminded her of all the great memories we have shared and how much she means to me and how much of a wonderful person she is and I meant it all.
I have also decided to move back to Arizona that is the one place that always felt like home to me the one place where I felt that I belonged ever since I moved back to CT I have been so sad and deressed I over drank did drugs once again slept with these idiot men the only good thing is I got help I went to therapy went to a pdoc went on meds but that is the only good thing that has heppened to me in the 4 years that I have been back here, I have become a hermit just to stay away from the drugs and alcohol and the men which is not healthy at all I am human I need to go out have fun not stay in my room and watch tv all the time.
All I have wanted to do since I started therapy was to live again and being here is preventing me from doing that the more I am here the sadder I get and it is preventing me from really becomming happy again from getting better, I dont have much family hardly any friends god I went from having alot of friends to having one maye two I am basically alone and that isnt so bad but I dont know maybe it is just me but I am just so sad being on the east coast and it isnt the winter it is all year round that I feel this way, but I have done alot of soul searching these past few months and have come to the conclusion that if I ever want to be happy I cant do it here.
thanks for listening to me rant on and on
I love you ladies.
Erin

I know what it is like to live in a place where you aren't happy. I lived in the city where my brother lives and I was totally miserable. So I think if you want to move, you go girl!
Thinking of you and sending hugs.
Take care
Pamela
It sounds like you are coming to some really big conclusions and decisions in your life. You've put a lot of thought into the changes you are making. It's not like this is sudden. I admire how much reflection you have put into figuring out your situation. I think you have wanted to move back to Phoenix for a long time. As you know, the east coast is a very different kind of place than the west. I was not happy when I was in Colorado and Minneapolis. I've lived in Philadelphia and didn't relate to the people that I knew there at all. I think that the place you live can make all of the difference in your life. Besides, your son lives in Phoenix. Even if his father has discouraged you from going back there, he needs to have a relationship with his real mother. Having you away affects him, even if his father doesn't realize it. His stepmother may be there for him in a way that you haven't been able to be, but you are his real mother. There's nothing that can replace that for him, Erin. That's why even people who are adopted by loving parents want to find their real parents. That connection is very powerful.
I'm sorry that your sister is so consumed by her relationship with Luis. It's a shame, especially since he spent so much time trying to get you to sleep with him, even when you refused. He's not a great influence for your niece.
I support you and encourage you to do what will help you the most.
You go girl!
Love,
MariaC
{{{{Erin}}}}}
I've read and re-read your post several times.
Erin;
Hon, I have been where you are now!
Blessed Be!
Laure-co-cl on migraines & headaches