WEIRD THING HAPPENED TO ME TODAY
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| Sat, 01-10-2004 - 4:11pm |
I am at work today which sucks since it is saturday so I am sitting at my desk ready to order lunch I have my dog with me(I sometimes bring her to work on saturdays) So I am at my desk and a customer walks in but this isnt just any customer it is my shrink, let me tell you it was so awkward to see him out of the office, I know he is hunam and he needs to look at cars to buy for himself but it felt so odd to see him out of the office, you know cause I tell him so many personal things about me and whatnot just like it would be odd to see my therapist out one night or something like that since she knows way more about me than he does....just wanted to share that one with you guys.
I went out last night with my friend punam she was in town visiting for the day so we went out had a drink and on my drive home I was just thinking about things my life and what not and I started to think about Sareen (the friend whom I have know for 25years whom I have a rift with because of how she is with me) So I start to cry and I call her andd get her voice mail so I leave her this message where I am in tears asking why she hates me and talks to me the way she does and I said I wish she didnt hate me because I am not a bad person and I wish that she could see that and that I miss her and I wish that we were close like we used to be and that I am worried about her ect.....I hang up and go to bed she calls me back and leaves a message, I have yet to return her call I really don tknow what to say to her right now.
I am very worried about her she moved to Mass to start over her life to get a job to get away from all the crap going on in her life here in Connecitcut to stop doing the hard core drugs (cocaine) and the drinking and to just start fresh, well she got a good job managing a resteraunt but she is doing alot more drinking she is sleeping around just as bad as when she lived in CT she is doing more cocaine than when she lived here her roommate which is our friend punam is fed up and asked her to move out Sareeen said that she will be gone in 30 days so concern is that Sareen is pushing everyone away her and I hardley talk to one another I do not open up to her anymore she is on sucha huge downward spiral she is at least to me and to punam so afriad to face her life soder and to deal with her emotions and to move on she cant face living without being stones or drunk she cant say no to men (sounds alot like me back when I first came to the board) ya I have been the same I did cocaine I slept with these jerks but the difference between her and I is that I would be with one guy letting him use me it was not 10 different men she will sleep with at least two different guys a week and I have not touched a drug in a long time plus when I would do cocaine it was not everyday it was every so often but that is no excuse I did it and I am ashamed of myself for that but I stopped I had enough when you are stoned you really arent living anyways and I want to live my life I want to feel every emotion that I have I would rather be down in the dumps and feel it than be down in the dumps and numb myself up.
So I dont know what to do anymore I really dont I love this girl to death but I am giving up and that scares me but I feel that the opnly way for me to remain healthy is to stay away from her until she gets herself together as selffish as this sounds but I am more important than she is when it comes to taking care of things and I need to take care of myself if I want to remain healthy and eventually be happy.
thanks ladies for listening
I could really use some advice on what to do with this situation with my friend.
Erin

That is weird that he came in to your place of work.
I think you are doing the right thing. If you feel Sareen is just "poisioning" your relationship, then you have to let it go. She needs to quit these terrible drugs etc and that isn't something you can help someone with. She will have to quit on her own terms and when she wants. My mom is an alcoholic, clean for 1.5 years, but it was the hardest thing to watch her drinking herself to death.
I am also worried about you hanging around with her if you used to do coke as well. You have come so far and are doing really wonderful. I don't want you to slide backwards.
I hope this has helped a little.
Take care
Pamela
((((((Erin)))))), honey, it sounds like you know the answer.
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