It's Been A Bad Day
Find a Conversation
| Sat, 01-10-2004 - 8:19pm |
I have been suffereing from depression now for almost a month. I was hospitalized twice, once right before Christmas, and the next week, right before New Years. I know this isn't a seasonal thing, because it had been going on for a while.
I first had depression when I was 17 years old. This was in the late 1980's, when there was very little, if any, knowledge of depression and how to treat it. The focus was on trying to keep the suicidal people from killing themselves, just to at least keep them alive. Well, I was one of those people.
But, anyway, my most current depression is more overwhelming than I have ever experienced. After my first hospitalization, I was given a prescription for Elavil. I have been taking it faithfully for the last coupel of weeks, and some days, it seems like I am feeling fine. Today, however, I'm not. I got into a fight with my husband, and I basically screamed and shouted and told him that he doesn't appreciate me. I'm sure he does, but in many ways, he has a hard time showing it. And that is what I need right now. I need him to show me he appreciates me. But that's niether here nor there. The truth is, I really hate myself, and I really hate getting up in the morning not knowing if today is going to be the day when everything is all better. I wake up dreading the day. I don't know what kind of roller coaster I'm being put on. Every day is something different. Sometimes it's like getting on the Merry-Go-Round, when you just go in circles, and everything is a slow and easy ride. Things are nice, they are delightful! But then I have days like today, when I just feel so low, that nothing can spark my interest. I feel dark, I feel lonely, like I have no friends and no where to turn. I have alienated one of my best friends, and that hurts, too. I have nobody.
I never thought this could happen to me. Everything happened at once. I ended a relationship, wrecked my marriage, killed my finances, worried my family, and to top it all off, I was laid off from my job. I have no savings, and I'm so worried that I'm going to lose everything to this damn depression. It's like a monster in the corner that I know is there, and every time I fight it, it gets STRONGER and pushes me back. Everything I've ever known is all upside down. I have no reason to go on.
I try to put one foot in front of the other, but what can I do when I can't even get my feet to work? What happens then?
I'm scared, and I'm lonely.
It's a lonely place ...

Sorry to hear that you are going through a rough patch.
I am not sure what Elavil is. Is it an anti-depressant?
Have you ever been to see a therapist or psychiatrist? Talking with a professional is always a great help. It is also a great place to learn tools to help you live with depression.
Can you talk to your husband and tell him that when you are feeling this way he needs to treat you a certain way? For example; when you are really down, ask him to give you lots of love and affection. Sometimes we women expect men to know exactly what we want. Think about it.
This is also a great place to talk with people who know pretty much exactly what you are going through.
Please take care
Pamela
Hi hun and welcome
I have to agree with Pam that husbands have no clue when it comes to knowing instinctively what we need.
*hugs