Having a tough couple of days *Triggers*
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| Sat, 01-10-2004 - 11:52pm |
I also have had a tough couple of days. I saw my ex-boyfriend on TV on this ad for cruises that he did some jet ski stunts for. That same night someone was talking about someone else with his name. So they kept saying his name over and over. It's little stuff, but it really triggered me. I still feel so hurt and rejected by that guy. I loved him more intensely than I ever loved anyone. It wasn't a healthy relationship. But I still have a ton of hurt from it.
Everyone says that he married this 20 year old virgin from another country because he wanted someone he could control, someone who wouldn't demand him to be truly intimate and healthy. I just can't get that. It has always felt like such a core rejection of me. I used to feel the same way about another ex of mine. It took me ten years to get over the rejection part. I only did because he and I finally talked it out. He let me have my say and validated my reality. That and I also talked to his brother, who told me that my ex only only calls him when he needs money. I finally got that it was that he was completely self-centered.
I know that this other ex is self-centered too. His mother could barely even put up with his controlling, selfish behavior. He told me himself that he was a "taker." But even knowing all of that, I still have this fear that he's living happily ever after with this other girl. That despite all that he said to me and worked to make me believe all of those years, that I just wasn't worth it. I'm so afraid that he never thinks about me and he's glad he left me in the dust. I loved him so much and he dropped me to marry someone else so fast.
I know this is years over, but I still hurt from it. I feel like I'm draining my friends when I talk to them about it.
I wish I could get over it. I'm trying everything I know.
Thanks for hearing me out.
Love,
MariaC

I saw your post and just wanted to send you some Cyber hugs and lots of positive thoughts. Getting over someone that you care for deeply takes time. Try to remember what your therapist told you, ("that doesn't prove he stopped loving you. You made it clear to him that if he stayed with you; he would have to be up front, honest, and responsible for his behavior. He decided he didn't want to do that. It's really clear. In fact, he immediately married a foreign woman who was much younger, came to America to be with him, and didn't speak much English. He was making a statement that he wanted to control this woman the way he never could control you.") Your worth so much more, you do not need or deserve to be control by anyone. The hurt that you still feel will fade as time goes by but I know that you hurt NOW. The only thing that I can do is send you my Cyber hugs and say, this too shall pass.
I am going to tell you a little story that may or may not help but I trust that you will find some comfort in it.
About 26 years ago I felt with all my heart that I was in love with the only man for me. I was devastated when he broke up with me and to make matters worse he left me with this parting statement, “ you will never find anyone that will love you because you are worthless.” Now at eighteen years of age and very naive I believed in what he said. Several months later I meet my husband, of course, I did not know, he was going to be my husband at the time but we did marry five months after we meet. I only knew my husband for only a short time when I had go to my old boyfriend’s place. My husband offered to take me and I thought I had an opportunity to show my old boyfriend that I could find someone and that someone really did love ME. When we arrived at my boyfriend’s house, he came out and met my husband and I in the yard. Image if you will how far my jaw drop when my old boyfriend knew my husband. It seems that the two had gone to the same elementary school and they only lived a few blocks from each other for a time. My plans of showing my old boyfriend a thing or two really hit rock bottom.
Well, to make a long story short my husband and I will celebrate our 25 Wedding Anniversary next month and you know that old boyfriend of mine. He will be there, you see he has been my brother-in-law for twenty-two years now. Yes it was awkward for the first few years but you know we all get older and find that we must forgive and forget because we never know what the future holds for us. I now love my old boyfriend in a whole different way.
Never feel that you are not loved because here you are loved by all of us.
Warmest Regards,
RainydaysArgon
Edited 1/11/2004 3:54:59 AM ET by rainydaysargon
As for this guy marrying someone else - the rejection is so hard to deal with especially when you truly loved the person!!!
My heart goes out to you.
Chelle -
"This too shall pass"and "No man is worth your tears, and the one that is will NEVER make you cry."
Mommy with enough love in her heart for her seven kidlets, dh, and then some :o)
Come visit me on the Doulas Board
Hi Maria!
I know how you feel hun and I think we are fooling ourselves to think that we ever really "get over" certain hurts.
*hugs