New and miserable
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| Sun, 01-11-2004 - 11:52am |
I hate my life. My job is horrible, and I can't find another, no matter how hard I try. It makes my self-esteem zero, it's like I'm worthless because my job tells me I am. I ruined things with the only man I've ever cared about. He was my only local friend, and he's gone. My nearest relative is 1000 miles away. My friends don't seem to want anything to do with me. I am so depressed I can barely function. I know all those things seem so easy to change, but I don't have the energy to change any of it...and believe me, I've tried.
The obvious solution is that I need help...I know I do. I'm a pilot, though, and if I get help, I'd have to stop flying. And flying is the only thing that makes me happy, that makes me normal. I can't lose that.
I don't know what I'm asking...but it wasn't that long ago that I was so happy, and I hate feeling like this.

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I am glad that you found us.
Why do you say that you would have to stop flying? Do you know this for sure?
And if it is for sure that you would have to stop flying, maybe it is for the best. Wouldn't you much rather get better than maybe have something bad happen and there be a disaster? I don't want to sound to harsh, I just want what is best for you.
Are you on any anti depressants? These really help. I guess that might affect your flying as well, though.
Take care
Pamela
Welcome!
Im glad you found us but I have to admit I am a little confused.
*hugs
I don't fly when I am very depressed, at least not alone. I know my limits, and I know what is safe and not.
Unfortunately, mood disorders are disqualifying. And I can't get past the feelings that maybe I *don't* have depression, that maybe I just suck at coping with stress. I just know I am so alone and no one cares. My friends tell me to get over (when they bother to call me or answer my calls). The man I mentioned in my first post is generally a very happy person. He doesn't understand why I am so unhappy, even though I've given him the (brief) overview. It's almost like he's laughing at me, because he doesn't understand unhappiness. I just feel like no one understands me.
And I guess I never thought of myself as "depressed" before. I was so happy most of last year....
I can totally relate about the job making you unhappy (I posted about mine yesterday). The job market stinks right now, but according to an article in my paper this morning, persistence is your best tool. Maybe you could think about looking in a new direction? Make an inventory of your skills and experience. It's possible that a totally different field or line of work may be what you need. I want badly to work for a winery (I live in California's Wine Country), so that's where I'm focusing my efforts. Two years ago I got the job I have now, in spite of being almost 50 (then) and severely overweight. If I could overcome those, anybody can do it.
Please post as often as you need, and feel free to email me if you want to "talk." We're always here for you!
I hope I didn't sound like you couldn't handle yourself, I apologize if I did.
Pamela
(((((((April))))))), before you jump to the conclusion that you would have to stop flying, why don't you take a couple of preliminary steps?
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v254/ladybug987/Signatures/springbutterflybarb.jpg>
CL-ladybug987
*hugs
Good luck with the job hunt....
The FAA doesn't have anything against me seeing a counselor, but I don't even know where to start. My company has an EAP, but I don't even know how to call. What to say when I call. And I don't want anything to get out at work...and I'd like to keep in non-reportable to the FAA if I can. I just don't know how to do it. I just want to be happy again.
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