New and miserable

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2003
New and miserable
19
Sun, 01-11-2004 - 11:52am
Hello everyone....I post occasionally on another ivillage board, but never here. I just don't know what else to do.

I hate my life. My job is horrible, and I can't find another, no matter how hard I try. It makes my self-esteem zero, it's like I'm worthless because my job tells me I am. I ruined things with the only man I've ever cared about. He was my only local friend, and he's gone. My nearest relative is 1000 miles away. My friends don't seem to want anything to do with me. I am so depressed I can barely function. I know all those things seem so easy to change, but I don't have the energy to change any of it...and believe me, I've tried.

The obvious solution is that I need help...I know I do. I'm a pilot, though, and if I get help, I'd have to stop flying. And flying is the only thing that makes me happy, that makes me normal. I can't lose that.

I don't know what I'm asking...but it wasn't that long ago that I was so happy, and I hate feeling like this.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2003
Sun, 01-11-2004 - 12:04pm
Welcome sweetie!!

I am glad that you found us.

Why do you say that you would have to stop flying? Do you know this for sure?

And if it is for sure that you would have to stop flying, maybe it is for the best. Wouldn't you much rather get better than maybe have something bad happen and there be a disaster? I don't want to sound to harsh, I just want what is best for you.

Are you on any anti depressants? These really help. I guess that might affect your flying as well, though.

Take care

Pamela

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Sun, 01-11-2004 - 12:20pm

Welcome!


Im glad you found us but I have to admit I am a little confused.

*hugs             

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2003
Sun, 01-11-2004 - 12:44pm
I know that if I see someone, I will be diagnosed with depression. If they put me on anti-depressants, I have to stop flying. Period.

I don't fly when I am very depressed, at least not alone. I know my limits, and I know what is safe and not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2003
Sun, 01-11-2004 - 12:51pm
I work for an airline, but not as a pilot. I am a commercial pilot and freelance flight instructor...I usually have between 2 and 4 students at any given time. All part time, evenings and weekends. Flight instucting doesn't pay enough for me to do it full time! Wish it did. :-)

Unfortunately, mood disorders are disqualifying. And I can't get past the feelings that maybe I *don't* have depression, that maybe I just suck at coping with stress. I just know I am so alone and no one cares. My friends tell me to get over (when they bother to call me or answer my calls). The man I mentioned in my first post is generally a very happy person. He doesn't understand why I am so unhappy, even though I've given him the (brief) overview. It's almost like he's laughing at me, because he doesn't understand unhappiness. I just feel like no one understands me.

And I guess I never thought of myself as "depressed" before. I was so happy most of last year....

Avatar for marykkr
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
Sun, 01-11-2004 - 1:23pm
(((((April))))), I'll admit I don't know the rules about these things, but why would seeing a counselor mean you have to stop flying?

I can totally relate about the job making you unhappy (I posted about mine yesterday). The job market stinks right now, but according to an article in my paper this morning, persistence is your best tool. Maybe you could think about looking in a new direction? Make an inventory of your skills and experience. It's possible that a totally different field or line of work may be what you need. I want badly to work for a winery (I live in California's Wine Country), so that's where I'm focusing my efforts. Two years ago I got the job I have now, in spite of being almost 50 (then) and severely overweight. If I could overcome those, anybody can do it.

Please post as often as you need, and feel free to email me if you want to "talk." We're always here for you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2003
Sun, 01-11-2004 - 1:49pm
Thanks for clarifying April.

I hope I didn't sound like you couldn't handle yourself, I apologize if I did.

Pamela

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2007
Sun, 01-11-2004 - 3:03pm

(((((((April))))))), before you jump to the conclusion that you would have to stop flying, why don't you take a couple of preliminary steps?

 

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CL-ladybug987

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Sun, 01-11-2004 - 3:21pm
I agree with Barb,, You can see a therapist without taking meds and without a diagnosis of Depression. People see Therapists for lots of reasons!!

*hugs             

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2003
Sun, 01-11-2004 - 3:56pm
I don't want to look in a new direction. I love the industry I am in (still aviation, just not flying), my degree is in an aviation-related engineering...I love the industry and most of the people. I think that's *why* I hate my job so much, it's not giving me the oppurtunity that I need and that I think I deserve, to grow.

Good luck with the job hunt....

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2003
Sun, 01-11-2004 - 4:00pm
I don't think it's any physical (Except for the fact it gets worse in cycles, when I am unhappy at all. When I'm happy I can handle those few days, when I'm already unhappy it really drags me down). I was tested for thyroid problems two years ago when I was this tired and unhappy...nothing wrong.

The FAA doesn't have anything against me seeing a counselor, but I don't even know where to start. My company has an EAP, but I don't even know how to call. What to say when I call. And I don't want anything to get out at work...and I'd like to keep in non-reportable to the FAA if I can. I just don't know how to do it. I just want to be happy again.

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