What can I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-1999
What can I do?
3
Mon, 01-12-2004 - 11:14am
I have a male friend who is going through a very tough time. I've only spoken to him briefly in the past 3 months and both times, he said things were 'eh'. I have known him a couple of years and know this is not his usual vibrant self. We are only friends. I know he is in counseling and taking anti-depressants to work through his isses. I do NOT know what they are as he as never chosen to talk to me abou them.

My question is how can I support him during all of this? When we do talk, he is glad to hear from me yet I get the feeling that he is just getting through his days. He doesn't interact with too many people these days. I don't want to push or intrude but I also want to let him know that I care and want him to get through this too. I know when dealing with depression, the tendency is to hole up and hide from the world. I can't change things for him, but I would like to be as supportive as I can.

Thanks for your suggestions.

Toni

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
In reply to: tonitoons
Mon, 01-12-2004 - 11:43am



As a person who has hide and putmyself in a deep hole and refused to come out for a long time and only spoke when I was ready to speak my suggestion would be for you to do what you are doing now just be there for him let him know that when he is readyto talk more that you will be there for him, dont push him to talk dont get upset with him...remember that this is harder for him to deal with on a day to day basis than it is for you to deal with.

I think that you calling him is doing more good than you know when you are depressed you feel as if no one cares about you and you feel alone and when you hear a voice either on the other end of the phone or in person it means the world to the depressed person.

Just be his friend do what you are doing now

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-1999
In reply to: tonitoons
Mon, 01-12-2004 - 9:23pm
Thanks - I wasn't sure if I was being intrusive or not. He's a good guy and I want him to get well. I haven't been calling him a lot but I can call more frequently than once every 2 months (I have wanted to call more, but wasn't sure that I should). He did say that he really appreciated my calling this weekend and my prayers.

Toni

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
In reply to: tonitoons
Tue, 01-13-2004 - 10:58am


You may want to try to call like once a week just to say hi dont ask any questions just be yourself talk normal to your friend talk about the world the weather stocks whats in the news talk about paris hilton and her t.v show just talk it helps more to talk about normal things to to constantly talk about your depression.

For me I am very open about it I have no problems telling someone that I am bipolar I dont go around saying hi I am Erin and I am bipolar but to friends and family ya there is no problem there I am not ashamed my shrink walked into my dealership over the weekend and I told a co worker and my boss that my shrink was in the building it has made me more at ease with having this disease to be able to talk and joke about it.

I think that you are awesome for doing what you are doing and being a good friend, your friend will be okay it is tough but I am sure that having you in his life will make it alot more easier for him.

Erin