Just don't know what to do with myself..

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
Just don't know what to do with myself..
1
Mon, 01-12-2004 - 5:06pm
I'm new here and I'm a depressed and bored homemaker. I'm 34 with two teenagers from a bad first marriage and a 2 year old with my current DH. I've been begging him for one more child for over a year. He always says NO, but then at other times gives me mixed signals like being careless with birth control or saying if I buy trashy lingerie I might end up with what I want. I know he doesn't want one, but I get so depressed and feel so old at the thought that my childbearing times could be over.

I started online classes at a community college years ago to learn a new career, but can never seem to afford to continue with it. I have a worthless 4 year degree already, but need to get some real skills. So I can't have another baby and I can't work towards a career either. What the heck am I supposed to do with myself now? Classes start next week and I want to sign up for one so bad, but worry that if I do, we'll end up needing the money later.

Also, my DH has been smoking for almost 40 years and refuses to quit, so I get really depressed and convinced he could be found with cancer and die soon. He has no symptoms yet, but I keep expecting disaster any day. My mother was diagnosed with liver cancer in Oct. and died within the week. We didn't have a good relationship, so I have to deal with all that too. DH just gets huffy and refuses to even try to quit when I bring it up. I'm just at a total loss to know what the heck to do with my seemingly pointless life right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Mon, 01-12-2004 - 8:01pm

Welcome to the board!!


I dont think at 34 your child bearing times are anywhere near over and even if they were it doesnt make you "old" sweetie hehheee

*hugs