I have an interesting topic to talk

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
I have an interesting topic to talk
5
Wed, 01-14-2004 - 10:50am


I was thinking about the chat yesterday and the topic of conversation.

ALot of us talked about self esteem how we look at ourselves and outr looks how we feel like we are not pretty enough or our bodies are not fit or firm enough. I am a member of this self esteem group I may even be the president..

We also talked about well Adult Movies Magazines ect...some of us have someone in our lives me I am single have been single for a long time about a year now which sucks but we talked about how the men in our lives have the magazines or watch the movies and that at times it makes us feel like we are not good enough or pretty enough or that we do not turn them on ect......

So I was thinking I "dated" a guy who watched porn I had no problem with it at all if I walked into a room and it was on it didnt bother me I would watch for a minute and then just laugh at myself, you see if I see one of those movies on it doesnt bother me because it is just a movie it is not real life it is not like this girl is going to jump out of the t.v and onto my man that is why I really am not bothered by it at all.

I am however bothered by real life women the ones on the street in the stores at the clubs and bars they bother me more than anything they make me feel insecure I see a pretty girl and I say why cant I look like her why cant I have the pretty hair the perfect features the perfect body why is that not me and I see the guy look at them and I get upset I wont show it but boy my head starts to spin it isnt a matter of me trusting him but it is a matter of me not trusting the girl even though I do no know her I wont trust her plus I know what he is thinking when he sees the said girl walk by.

You see what it is as women well we are supposed to stick together support each other that is so far from the truth women by nature feel competitive with one another god forbid one is prettier than the other or thinner than the other and I am guilty of this I get upset if someone mentions that another women is thinner than me I get upset almost in tears I dont want someone being thinner than me and I instantly hate the women or if soemone comments on how "hot" a women is Ilook at her and will point out every flaw that she has I know it is horrible but it is a sad truth we all do it out of out own insecurities.

I will admit that I have about a million insecurities I will put down every part of my being I think I am fat even though I work out 6 days a week I think my hair is horrible even though I get compliments on it I want a boob job a tummy tuck I want a nose job a face lift I want the perfect body even though I know that it wont make me a better person and may not boost my self esteem I feel that if I have this all done I will be perfect and I will be happy and I will no longer be insecure and life will be perfect.....

well I know it wont be perfect I will not be perfect no matter how many tummy tucks I get or boob jobs I get nothing will change me how I feel about me what I think of me as much as I wish I could be the perfect looking waman that I dream about or be the woman I see on the strret at the club in the bar I never will be here I will never be the girl in the magazine or on the adult video, as much as the movies do not bother me in a way they do because I wish I could do those tings and look like those women I wish I had no inhibitions I wish I could be free of my insecurities enough to enjoy what I do have and not worry about what I dont have.

I am not sure if any of this made sence I hope it did

thanks for letting me vent on this topic sorry if I ofended anyone of you wonderful ladies.

I love you all,

Erin

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-14-2004 - 12:09pm
I'm with you on this, and also a member of the low self esteem club. I think part of it with me at least is that I know I could do more for myself, but I'm not doing it. I could eat healthier, I could start working out again, I could take more walks...etc. At this point I'm just not making the effort to feel good about myself. I'm just glad to get through the day. Heck......I'm glad if I was able to take a shower in the morning.

I wish I would feel more important to myself to take care of me better.

Ilka



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Registered: 07-15-2003
Wed, 01-14-2004 - 1:36pm
I feel that way too girls.

My ex always had Maxim magazines etc and I always felt so blah and fat. I often asked him how guys could even look at a girl like me after seeing those girls. Never really got an answer though.

Another low self esteem chick.

Pamela

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Registered: 05-16-2003
Wed, 01-14-2004 - 2:15pm
i wish i knew why all of us suffer with self esteem the way we do. no matter what anyone tells us we will never feel good enough? why? i wish i knew. i was the one who bought up the adult film industry in chat yesterday. i have been having a problem rencently. i have always had insecurities and self image issues, but lately it has been so magnified. it has almost been obsessive. my bf recently moved in the last of his things. i was out of control with wanting to look through his stuff for whatever. i did end up looking and found a few things. more specifically a tape and a magazine. he says that he thought he had thrown it all away, apologized for upsetting me, and told me that it didn't bother him if i looked because he has nothing to hide from me. well, that helped the trust issue somewhat. he already threw away the tape and well, the mag issue was late last night i assume he will toss it also. i also took suncatcher74's advice and asked him about his fantasies. i know this whole topic is odd, and i don't want to offend anyone. of course i can see what erin is saying with being more insecure with women in person rather than on tape, but i think it is about even for me. of course the women in a bar or wherever i stand a chance against.. if i'm there i can keep his eyes on me. the thing is that on video or in print these women are perfect, for that instant they are a fantasy, infallible, ready, willing and able. frozen in the moment, in a man's mind. now i know that bf is not going to run off with a porn star or a playboy bunny or even some chick in a bar, but what he could be thinking freaks me out more. does that make any sense? i have been lied to so much by guys, compared to the women in magazines and in movies, my self image is just totally wacked. now i can recognize that i am okay, but i want that moment of perfection in his mind. i want to be that fantasy to keep him interested.

i figure by now, if you have gotten this far, you deserve a congrats.

we are all perfect in our own right. we are all beautiful women. we are all perfect in our own way. i just think we all have to learn to love ourselves.

again, no offense to anyone for this topic.

hugs to everyone.

love,

stephanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Wed, 01-14-2004 - 5:02pm

"we are all perfect in our own right. we are all beautiful women. we are all perfect in our own way. i just think we all have to learn to love ourselves"


Yes

*hugs             

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Thu, 01-15-2004 - 12:57am
i think that body image today is a big problem- i'm not sure i know one woman who really feels good about her body. i know i am the genetic freak that everyone hates, but for that reason i think my insights may add a new dimension, i don't know tell me what you think. this is venting a little, but said to inform and said with love (please don't think i am being negative towards anyone, i'm not at all)

i have had physical and emotional problems that undoubtedly added to my skinniness (i have a rare stomach disorder that was recently diagnosed but there isn't much i can do about it). people see me not eating, and give me dirty looks and whisper. when i go out in groups with my boyfriend, if my stomach is bad, i am sitting there being brave and putting on a happy face, but if i ate i would have to go to the hospital. because i am thin, lots of his friends (and their significant others) have approached him about my "eating disorder." i had a horrible life growing up, and i never understood why my friends who had their physical and mental health and happy families were jealous of ME simply becasue they percieved me to be prettier or skinnier. i would have traded without blinking! i could care less what was in the mirror in relation to the other stuff.

me and the girls i work with are the girls in the show and the magazines. and these girls have some of the worst body images of anyone. the pictures in the magazines are not real. they are a product of hours of makeup, hair, waxings, and TOUCH UPS. plus, the girls are miserable constantly because when they don't get a job, it is a direct slap in the face based on their looks. it is really the only industry where you can't usually work harder or learn more to get more jobs, you are rejected or accepted based on your looks which is hard to deal with. agents often drive models to be anorexic, spend tons of money on superficial things- hair, make-up, waxings, facials which make them feel even more like they are not good enough. i have never doubted my self image as much as i have since i have been a model. i want a nose job, i hate my skin, i hate my hair and i like my body less than i ever did before. and i have never had bosses treat me like a commodity so much in my life- you are only something that people use for money as a model- agents,photographers, designers, products. (there are reasons why i still do it, but it would make this even longer, so just trust me).

and finally, i know that this is something that if you are still reading you may think is silly. but girls who are percieved to be pretty have a whole new set of problems. i have had guys date me only to realize that without my looking "made-up", when i am in sweats and a ponytail with no make-up and/or if i gained weight, they lose complete interest. that hurts.

i will finish now because i know this is super long. just remember that however much you hate your looks/body, there are people who love it, and there are women who hate theirs way worse. everyone thinks someone else is prettier, and that girl probably thinks she is ugly and/or may have alot more going on in her life and those looks are not making her happy. ok, im really done now. hope this was worth reading and didnt make anyone mad.