Throwing in the towel

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2003
Throwing in the towel
7
Thu, 01-15-2004 - 10:00pm
I am really REALLY upset.

I was talking with my mom tonight and she let it slip that she found out that she has Emphysema (sp?).

I just don't know how much more of this crap I can take. I mean, I don't wanna whine here, but I think I have had more than my share. I was totally left to raise myself my entire life, my mom is an alcoholic, my best childhood friend committed suicide, my dad was emotional abusive, my ex treated me like crap for so long, I am a completely messed up person, and now this. I have about had it.

No, I don't mean suicide. I just want to run away and live by myself in the bush where I can just live peacefully. I am just such a bundle of hurt and pain. I am a completely lost soul and I have no where to turn or go.

Pamela

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Thu, 01-15-2004 - 11:06pm

((((((((((((Pam)))))))))))))


Sweetie, I'm soooo sorry to hear about your mom. I know how it feels to find something like that out about a loved one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Fri, 01-16-2004 - 12:29am
pamela,

i am so sorry to hear about your mom. i don't know if you do this too, but hopefully regardless it will help. i too have had my share of bad stuff in my life and often wonder why me. BUT i always get over it by realizing what the bad stuff has done for me in a positive way. like it has made me more empotionally sensitive to others, it has made me understans mental illness and educate and help random freinds that who knows how i would have handled their situations otherwise. it has also made me appreciate good things when they come along. and i know for a fact one thing that your depression has done in a positive way- bring you to this board where you help all of us all of the time. that is something special. i hope you know how much your kind words can really help someone in their dark moments.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2003
Fri, 01-16-2004 - 8:28am
Pamela,

{{{{{{{Hugs Sweetie}}}}}}}

I know sometimes it can seem a little over-bearing. I am sorry to hear about your mom, and it sucks about the other stuff thats in your past. Keep smilin' Hun!!!

P.S. You can come visit me here in NB, if you want to get away for a while! Its cold, but nice!

Hugs

Heather

siggy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
Fri, 01-16-2004 - 8:39am
pam,

i am so sorry about your mom. i can totally understand you wanting to run away and live in a bush, however maybe you could opt for a tree. much spacious. :) all this 'bad' will just make you stronger. i may not seem like it now, i know. spend as much time as you can with her, make some more memories. also, you always have us here to turn to. sending hugs to you.

stephanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Fri, 01-16-2004 - 9:56am
Pamela,

I wish I knew what to say to you sweetie,

I have all these thoughts in my head to say to you but cant seem to find the right one.

I know that I am about to sound like a complete cliche' but things will get better and whine all you want you always have such great things to say to all of us all of the time so now you have every right in the world to vent it all out.

Things will be okay in the end just get out all the emotions that you need to .

i WILL KEEP YOU IN MY THOUGHTS.

ERIN

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2007
Fri, 01-16-2004 - 5:37pm

((((((((((Pamela))))))))))), I'm so sorry to hear about your mother.

 

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CL-ladybug987

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Sat, 01-17-2004 - 12:30am
Pamela,

When you have anxiety and pain, every new problem feels like the worst thing that can happen. You don't have the sense of safety and personal peace to navigate each new issue that comes up.

I'm sorry for all that you have been through. I know what it's like to have to pretty much raise yourself. My father was a psychopathic, child-molesting minister and my mom was fairly catatonic and emotionally neglectful most of my life. I grew up with dirty, torn, too small clothes and huge knots in my hair. I barely spoke at all until I was 10 years old. The rest of my four siblings were very emotionally abusive. One was physically abusive. My dad raped me and did everything possible to mess me up in the head. I was very relieved when he died a few years ago. I've had a lot of deaths in the family, especially during the time right around my bad first marriage and divorce.

It's been a long, painful road for me, too. I know that feeling you are talking about of being a raw, open nerve. I've also wanted to run away so I didn't have to deal with all the crud.

What has helped me is to do everything I can to minimize my stress. I've cut off my relationship with my super vicious abusive sister. One phone call with her used to throw me into a tailspin for a month. It's such a relief not to deal with her anymore.

I've distanced myself from two of my three brothers. That has helped me a lot too.

It's very hard when people you care about get sick. But emphesema is not fatal. It can be debilitating, especially after someone has had it for a long time. My grandmother had emphesema, but it didn't change her lifestyle that much. She never even had to have an oxygen tank. She had trouble breathing at times. She couldn't take very long walks later in her life. She would have coughing fits sometimes. But overall it wasn't that big of a deal.

My grandmother's brother had emphesema. His was more severe. I guess part of it has to do with how long someone smoked. Her brother smoked more heavily and for longer. He had to have an oxygen machine for a few years.

My stepsister got breast cancer about 5 years ago. I was very emotionally involved in her healing process. But at one point I had to pull back. I couldn't make it better. I couldn't really control or affect what she and my stepdad chose for her treatment. I could only make sure she knew that I loved her and pray for her. I had everyone I know pray for her. I sent her cards and small gifts frequently as she went through chemo. But I made myself stop worrying so much about what happened. I realized that since I couldn't affect it, I needed to come to peace with whatever outcome happened. It helped me so much to do that. She has been in remission for more than four years now.

My stepdad was diagnosed with diabetes about 6 months ago. His health is not great. I love him dearly, but I'm not upset about his diagnosis. I figure that it's his lifestyle that brought this on. He had made his choices (he's an alcoholic, though he stopped drinking when he was diagnoses- plus he kept eating sugar after he found out he had a danger of being diabetic). It's caused him to change his lifestyle, but he needed to do that. What's the point in me getting upset when it's his life? Diabetes can lead to death if he doesn't take care of himself. I would be grief-stricken if he died, but I'm not going to freak out about it right now. He's the only one who can control what he does.

I understand that you feel you have too much to deal with emotionally. But emphesema is not a death sentence for your mom. She can choose to take care of herself to have an easier time of it. She has made unhealthy choices that have affected her negatively. They used to tear your life apart, but you don't have to let them do that now. I know that you love your mother. But your top priority has to be protecting and nurturing yourself emotionally. I think that it's possible to separate yourself from some of the bigger stressors without moving to a desert island.

I'm sorry about your mother's diagnosis. I hope this has helped some way.

Take Care,

MariaC