why me? maybe triggers, but doubtful

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2003
why me? maybe triggers, but doubtful
3
Mon, 01-19-2004 - 10:17pm
Not sure what to write, except that I've never been more upset at myself. I know what I should be doing, and I know what I am doing. Huge difference between the two. It makes me upset. I'll be honest with you all...I haven't been taking my meds. I know...we've been through all this before. I really wanted to believe that I was doing well. I just took my first pill as of a half hour ago. I just wish that this would be better, meaning depression. I feel that I'm not going to get hired back next year, and that I'll be looking for a job, and that I won't be able to find one. It's just everything all built up all at once. I can't do this.

I'm also kinda reluctant that I'm sorta seeing someone in the medical field, and now I'm fearful that he'll find out that I'm taking meds, and that something is "wrong" with me. I know that if he "really likes me, he'll deal with it" but you know what, what happens if he doesn't? I know he's not worth my time. But it's just something to deal with. With all the stress that he's dealing with, the LAST thing that he needs is to deal with me. He also thinks that I'm "all together" and know what I want out of life. Boy have I got him fooled. I just don't know what I'm gonna do.

To add more insult to injury, things at the apt. are still crappy. I odn't even know what I'm gonna do. I want to leave, however, I can't handle going home. It's just too cramped. 5 adults, one house, not good. one bathroom for 5 people, not good. The stress and anxiety level in this apartment is just way too much.

I'm sorry for complaining all the time, and I know that I've been MIA, but thanks for listening. I just hope my mind comes back.

Trix

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Tue, 01-20-2004 - 10:58am
trix,

Are you sure that you and I arent one in the same???????????????????????????

I can totally relate to the roommate thing and living in a situation like that doesnt really help out with the depression and what we are all going thru with it, I know that living in my house is not easy and has made my depression more intense.

If this guy you are dating runs the other way just because you are on meds than he really is not worth your time but I dont think that he will do that but I do understand the fear of that happening, I think what it is people kinda have their own perception of what depression is I know that I did I thought that people who were like us were walking around in bathrobes talking to themselves all day but I got an eye opener when I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and realized that we are all not any different than everyone else.

this man works in the medicle field so he should have a better understanding than most people, I am not dating anyone right now but I do fear that when I do meet someone that they will think differently of me when I have the talk with them about what is wrong with me.

hun try to keep the old chin up things will get better you will be okay.

I am sorry i AM NOT GIVING BETTER ADVICE.

i WILL BE SENDING YOU POSITIVE VIBES AND GOOD THOUGHTS.

eRIN

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2003
Tue, 01-20-2004 - 11:36am
{{{{{{Erin and Trix}}}}}}

I am sending you both big hugs.

Trix, I know you know that if this guy runs because you are on meds that he is not worth your time. But that doesn't make it any easier does it? Just want you to know that I am thinking of you!!

Take care

Pamela

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
Tue, 01-20-2004 - 2:01pm
don't apologize, i don't think you complain all the time. i don't thinkif the guy you are seeing can't handle that you are trying to help yourself by taking meds, then phooey on him. being in the medical field he should almost be more understanding. he shouldn't judge you. i know that was/is one of my fears with my bf. he is so understanding and wonderful about how i am, because as far as i am concerned i act like a real fruitloop sometimes. he disagrees, of course that is what makes him so wonderful. he loves me for me. and as far as your bf thinking you have it all together and know what you want out of life i want to know who has it all together and who does know all of that. it will all work out. best wishes and hugs.