......Discouraged (triggers)...........

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2003
......Discouraged (triggers)...........
2
Fri, 01-23-2004 - 3:40pm
I just do not feel that I can keep going like this. This whole house situation is becoming more then I can handle right now. Nothing seems to be going right, for every step forward we have to take four backwards.

Monday was a good day but on Tuesday, I was driving my second oldest daughter to college and we had a conversation that made me feel awful. She ask me why her dad and I are trying so hard to get this house thing done when we know that it will never be done. I was stunned; I asked her why she made such a comment. Her answer was “Mom, why are you and Dad beating yourselves up for something that you know you will not finish?” “I mean, Dad never finish the old house until we had to sell it, What makes you think that you will finish this one.” “You know that you do not have the money to finish and with only Dad working you will never have the money to finish, so why continue?” At this point in the conversation I could feel the hot tears starting behind my eyes, she had voice all my own insecurities. We finished the drive in stunned silence.

I have struggled over the pass few days with different task that had to do with the house and non-of them have worked out and to add to that, last night my second oldest daughter and her boyfriend showed up. She had come down and spent the day with an old girlfriend and her boyfriend had come to take her back to college. She drop another bomb on me, she is consisting quitting school. We have no more money to help her out with her bills and she is tried of trying to find ways to earn money. If she gets or has a job, her financial aide will be limited. She worked all last year and her financial aide was a lot less this year because she worked last year.

My husband and I had an appointment last night with a young man at one of the local hardware stores. He was going to help us with some items that we would have to order, as the store does not stock them. I was just finishing preparing our dinner when I turned to set the table. My second oldest daughter and her boyfriend were preparing to leave when I notice her mail from today on the table untouched. I pointed it out to her and she came to the table to look at it. One particular piece of mail was her W-2 form that we were waiting for so that we could finish her financial aide form. I remember her waving it around excitedly and then she continued to finish reading her mail. I was concentrating on clear the table so that I could set it for us to eat and I had turned back to the stove when I heard my second oldest daughter ask me, “Mom, where did you put my W-2. I turned to her stunned; “I do not know where your form is.” As I look into her eyes, I could see that she thought that I had moved the form. “But mom it was right here next to the box on the table, you must have picked it up and moved it when you were clearing the table.” I do not remember picking it up but I started looking in the places that I had move some paper to. It was not there and the feeling of dread came over me. The three of us began to search every where in the kitchen. My husband came into the room and seeing my distress inquired as to what was amiss. We explained the situation to him and he joined in. We all must have searched the kitchen garbage three times each. To make matters worst my mother-in-law hearing the commotion came down and joined in the search, this would have been fine but she had to make comments that make my daughter angrier. We all spent the next hour and a half-searching while our dinner grow cold and the accusations grow hot. I felt like crap, I could not eat if I wanted to, tear ran down my face and in silence I searched. It is awful when you know someone is blaming you for something that you did not do. Out of necessity we all stop and eat, well they eat. I think I have had a few bites I can not remember, I could not even think I felt so numb, so helpless as if I wish the ground would just swallow me up, but with my luck the ground would not find me to it liking and would most likely spit me out. After dinner was finished and before I did the dishes, I began to search again. It had to be here. Seeing that my distress had escalated my husband, again help me search. My second oldest daughter and her boyfriend had come back from eating their dinner again all of us looked. Another hour lapsed and stills no form. We search the cupboards, the refrigerator, the freezer and every where that I had been in the kitchen. My daughter and her boyfriend both gave up and were sitting on the couch when my husband asked our second oldest if she had played Candyland with the little ones. “No,” came her reply, and with that my husband stood in front of her and lifted the lid of the game and there on top of the game was the form. How it got there will remain a mystery.

Neither my husband nor I needed this, because it took us two and half-hours of searching to find the form, my husband and I were not able to get to the hardware store. So I feel very discouraged and very depressed today. On top of feeling, this way I have to get ready to go to the property this weekend so that we can get the tarpaper on the roof for the following weekend. The metal roof may possible be in place by February. We have the threat of snow on it way, possible Saturday maybe Sunday. I can only pray that it holds off until Monday. We really need to get this roof on or we will loose our floors and walls to water damage.

I can only pray that the pressure will eases up a little or one of us (my husband or myself) I fear is going to loss it. My husband gets up every morning and throws up, I in turn feel lousy. I am at a loss as to what to do. All I manage to do today is cry.

Warm Regards,

RainydaysArgon

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Fri, 01-23-2004 - 4:07pm

Awwww Sweetie!


I wish I could give you a real life hug!!

*hugs             

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 01-23-2004 - 6:35pm
I'm sorry things seem to be going so badly right now...I know how it is when everything you do seems to turn out wrong. And it is so hard to hear your own insecurities voiced and even supported by a family member...my dad has done that a lot to me in the past, to the point that I have even internalized what he has said and accepted it as the "truth."

But you have more life experience than your daughter, and even if you didn't, you are working on a project that means a lot to you...there is no reason why you won't be able to complete it, even if it takes time and a lot of steps forward and backward.

Anyway, I wanted to give you some virtual hugs...we'll all be hoping that better days are to come,

Rose