Relationship question-WAY off topic here

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2003
Relationship question-WAY off topic here
4
Mon, 01-26-2004 - 5:22pm
So here's my questions to you girls (and guys, if you're still lurking!)

I've started dating this guy. He's really fabulous. I know that he really likes me. However, he kinda lacks in the "aggressiveness" department. Meaning, we've been dating for a month, and we've only kissed twice (both were quick pecks). Once he asked for it, once he just did it. I know for a fact that he's really interested in me. My question to you is, how do I tell him that I was kinda hoping that we can be more affectionate. Do I just kinda get in the mode of just trying to be more affectionate (which will be way hard for me), or do I talk to him about it?? Not sure what to do, thought I'd ask you all for some help. Thanks for your imput.

Trix

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Mon, 01-26-2004 - 5:34pm
this is a tough one

Best bet I would talk to him, what if it continues another month or two down the road and you are still in this rut so to speak where he doesnt make a move at all>>

I am all for taking tings slow but he is a snail no offence.

I would try to have a talk with him let him know that you are affectionate but just dont expect him to be as affectionate as you are I know that I am not that affectionate so I kinda understand what it is like to be with someone who wants to shower you with it and you are kinda like hold on there buddy.

Take it slow let him know that he can work up to it at his own pace but it also wont hurt to give him a little nudge also not a push just s nudge.

I hope I have helped a little though I doubt it kinda scattered today.

Good luck I am sure he will come around wait and see.

Erin

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Mon, 01-26-2004 - 6:01pm
you are totally right that taking it slow can be a good thing. my boyfriend took things pretty slow when we were first dating out of respect for me. don't worry, it doesn't last forever :) as for now, i say do what makes you the most comfortable. if you want to take charge, go for it. if you want to talk to him, you may find out more about him as well as the situation. good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Mon, 01-26-2004 - 7:17pm

My gut feeling here is to say you should get a bit more affectionate and see how it goes.. I know my dh waits for signals from me and since

*hugs             

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Mon, 01-26-2004 - 10:00pm
Trix,

Some guys are really shy or even old-fashioned. I think that with my ex-husband, he probably never would have made the first move. I was aggressive with him. In hindsight, I wish I hadn't been. But that's another story ;-)

I think that asking him about it would be the best course of action. I've heard that some men are not physically aggressive because they have impotence problems, so they fear taking the relationship further. That may not be the problem, but I thought you should be aware of it.

The only way to know is to talk with him. If you get more affectionate with him without discussing it first, it may trigger some issues for him.

Good Luck,

MariaC