struggling actress or jobless&pathetic

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
struggling actress or jobless&pathetic
7
Mon, 01-26-2004 - 6:18pm
i have been struggling with my own mind/depression lately, and it has been taking it's toll on my health. my stomach disorder has been acting up a ton. i realized i had been holding back lately and not talking to anyone (especially you guys) as much lately because i felt like somehow if i didn't talk about it, i could make it go away. we know better. well, it's not too terrible and unsolvable, i know this because i have been so happy in some ways lately and i know i can do something about the rest. so, i hope it's ok if i just put it all down, and maybe you guys could tell me what you think...

i have had to spend time, money, and effort on furthering my quest to be an actress. i am going to be taking a class, and i had to get tons of headshots. but now i have to kind of wait and see what happens. for now, i feel like i don't know what i am doing with my life and i feel like a bum. every day, i wake up and there is really nothing for me to do. no job, and hanging out with friends who had days off was fun at first, but now i just feel like a big loser. i don't want to pursue a real "career" right now, because i would have to give up the possiblities that i have already invested in and would probably feel like a quitter for that anyways. even a part time job can be tough because of castings, but i just talked myself into getting one. but i am having trouble finding one that pays anything during the days! i have been looking at paper and online want ads, and nothing. i am going to go try some more. i just feel like a big loser for having no job and no income. and i am kind of scared about working deep down anyways, because i am afraid i will get sick (happens alot with my bad stomach, especially when working). ok, enough of that, if you have read this far, i will tell you the good stuff going on...

i am so unbelievably happy with my boyfriend. when i am with him, i have that "how did i get so lucky, pinch me i'm dreaming" feeling. i am just happy with him. he is actually part of the reason why i want to keep busy too. i don't want to get to a place where i am only thinking about him and he is the only thing i have going on in my life. i hope that i can stay someone who is bringing stuff to the relationship and making him as happy as he makes me. relationships can be so scary though, because the better they are the more it would hurt to lose them. i am making this too long now, thanks for letting me vent.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Mon, 01-26-2004 - 7:26pm

ALL I can say hun is that Show business is ruthless .... You have to have a steel spine as they say to make it ...


I know my brother seriously considered a career as an actor ( he is very good) but decided he didnt have what it takes to go thru the rejections and moved on... His feeling was always ... if Im good enough they will find me *wink


Im glad that your love life is going so well and my feeling would be,, just do what comes along naturally at this point... If a good "job" comes along, take it... If the right show business opportunity knocks then take that instead...


"Life is what happens to you while you are planning something else" is how the saying goes LOL


Good luck hun!

*hugs

*hugs             

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Mon, 01-26-2004 - 8:11pm
VG,

So what kind of actor do you want to be? Do you want to stay in Chicago or move to LA? I assume that you don't want to go to New York, since that is more a "serious actor working for peanuts' lifestyle.

Do you want to be famous? Of course, LA is a big pain in the, er, butt. But you'd be amazed at the situations a beautiful woman can get herself into in LA. Just by being there you meet tons of people in the biz. A (former) good friend of mine lives up there. She dated a guy in a sitcom, had a guy from New Edition trying to get her to go out with him, met producers who worked with Eddie Murphy, etc. She was always running into one thing or another, and she wasn't even trying to get into the business.

I know that you are really into your boyfriend, so you probably don't want to move. I know what you mean about working full-time. When I have a schedule like that, it takes so much out of me, that I usually sleep most of the time that I'm not working. I like working out of my home now, even though it gets lonely sometimes. That's the reason that I started posting on websites!

Do you have areas that interest you? I had a couple of jobs in spiritual bookstores that were great because spirituality is something I really enjoy. I got to talk to people all day about spiritual and emotional issues. That's what made me realize that I wanted to be a therapist. Helping people with their problems is the part I really loved.

A beautiful woman can always get a job in a department store. You can do it part-time. You might be able to do it mainly on weekends, so it doesn't interfere with your auditions. I've worked at Nordstrom and the Bon Marche. It's a lot easier than you'd think. If you work at a cosmetic counter, then you get to give makeovers all day. I'm sure that would burn you out on makeovers.

Transitions are really hard. I'm glad that you are so in love with your boyfriend. He sounds really great. I'm so glad that I've been with my dh while I've been going through my career shifts. I don't know if I would have had the courage if I'd been on my own, or in a bad relationship. He's been my rock.

I know it's hard to find the right job when you need flexibility for auditions. If you had a job where you could set your own hours, it would be perfect. The person who works for us doing filing and administrative stuff can do it anytime she wants. That kind of thing might work.

You could be an image consultant doing something like that. You've got the skills and you could work for yourself. Just a thought!

That's my thinking on the subject.

Hope something might help.

Thanks again for your response to my post.

All My Best,

MariaC

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2003
Mon, 01-26-2004 - 9:02pm
Hi Vogue Girl

I just wanted to tell you how happy I am that your relationship is going so good for you.

I think Maria gave some great advice.

Take care sweetie.

Pamela

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2003
Mon, 01-26-2004 - 9:54pm
Sweetie....first off, sending you LOTS of hugs and kisses XOXOXOXOXOXO

You aren't pathetic. Quite frankly, I think you're one awesome chick. As with everything, I can understand how you're feeling. Well, the worthlessness. Not the actress/model stuff, but the depression stuff. I too go through the same feelings, especially when I'm at my lowest. I think it's normal to withdraw, and keep things to yourself. The important part is that you realize that you're doign this, and you're making a good effort to try to change that.

Everyone in every profession goes through a time when work is scarce. My poor brother has been laid off for almost a year now. He's in computers. He's looked everywhere, and nothing. I have some other friends too that have been looking for ANY kind of work. It's hard now a days. Just keep your head in there and you'll find something that you love soon enough. Don't stress too much. If worse comes to worse, you can get a part time job somewhere to help out.

Also, I'm SO happy you have a boyfriend that makes you extremely happy. That eases a lot of tension for you, and it's great that he's so supportive. I only wish you two the happiness that you both deserve!

Hope this helped sweetie, and take care. Please email/IM me if you ever need anything! Love you lots!

Trix

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Tue, 01-27-2004 - 10:17am
Voguegirl,

Hun you are so not worthless or any of those things you are an awesome person who has a big heart and alot of love in them you show it here when you post and when you talk about your boyfriend, which I may add I am so happy for you everyone deserves all the happiness life has to offer, and you desere to be happy and to be loved and from your posts you seem to be getting it and I am very happy that you are.

As for the actress gig wll the industry is tough I know I couldnt do it my feelings get hurt too easily and I love acting and I am pretty darn good at it, give it time maybe the right job just hasnt come along yet, try the part time job thing that way you have some of your time filled and making some kind of money...try to get into something that interests you do you like working with animals people????? look for something that you have a passion for besides acting/modeling..life is about expanding ourselves.

Hun I wish you the best of luck in all areas of your life and I wish you love and happiness always, dont worry in time everything will all come together for you and the right gig will come to you.

Erin

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 01-27-2004 - 1:34pm
thank you friends!

i hope you guys see this response, i never know if people actually see it or not. thanks for all of the suggestions, they really help. i can put off the part time job for a few weeks, because i have a 2 week gig working at the auto show. so i can put off the worrying for a little while and have a job and make some money!

i have been considering moving to l.a. for awhile now. at this point, i have to say that there are things here worth staying for. i am making the best out of chicago as a good starting ground, and hopefully can get my feet wet and then go out to l.a. eventually. i have only been here for a year and some months, but i have made amazing connections- even to connections in hollywood. so, i guess i need to start making use of those and doing my best! thanks everyone for your support!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Tue, 01-27-2004 - 2:26pm

((((((((Voguegirl))))))))), it sounds like you have a lot going for you.

AcornLeaves