New....I think

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
New....I think
3
Mon, 01-26-2004 - 10:24pm
Hello All,

Well I don't think I've ever posted here. I've posted so many places, I can't remember. Well I just need someone to vent too. I have been tired all my life. It doesn't get any better. It doesn't make any sense. I can't sleep at night, and once I do fall asleep I can't wake up. If I don't get at least 12 hours of sleep a night, I'm totally zoned. Dh and I have been arguing about it because he feels I do nothing. I realize I am quite incompassitated, BUT, I try my hardest. I do have depression. I have been on Paxil for about 6 months now. I started taking it after my second daughter was born. She is an AWESOME sleeper, and I KNOW it's not her. She rarely cries and really doesn't require 24/7 attention. She likes to play in her crib etc. It's getting worse ever day though. I can't get out of bed. I have no energy to play with my kids. I HATE IT! I feel so useless and alone. I'm sick of my husband saying,"it's not hard, just GET UP!" I CAN'T!!!!! I've tried. I talked to my doctor and he said he thought maybe I was bipolar, and perhaps I just have a hard time falling asleep because of racing thoughts. So he put me on risperidol. THAT MADE IT HORRIBLY WORSE. So I stopped taking it. I'm at my ropes end. I just hate feeling so useless and my dh has been so patient, but I think he's really starting to get frustrated. Fortuneatly my mother/father-in-law have both just moved into my home, because they couldnt afford thier rent anymore, so they help out tremendously with the kids. My MIL does have to have heart bypass surgery done within the next two weeks though, so I feel REALLY bad that she watches the little ones for me as much as she does. Oh please help. I'm sick of being nothing, and so tired. I want to stop feeling like I am constantly in a dream state.

-Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2003
Tue, 01-27-2004 - 12:05am
Oh sweetie...

seems as though you're dealing with a lot right now! If I were you, I'd be really upset too. I'm glad that you found the board here, and are able to express your feelings to a group that REALLY understands what's going on in your life.

Just know that depression is an illness that sometimes takes over your whole life. It's not fun, as all of us here can attest to. The solution is that you keep an open mind, and work on improving your feelings, as well as expressing them to others. That will really help you out.

I hope that this helps a little, as I can't really offer really good advice. As far as the meds go, just keep up with them, that will help tremendously! I promise. As for DH...hang in there, I know what it's like to have someone in your life that truely doesn't understand depression, or support you through it. My father is the same way with my mother and myself, and it really hurts. The thing that's helped me through it all is the board, my meds, and therapy all in one.

Please take care, and post back when ever you need to vent, or just to check in!

love ya!

Trixie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Tue, 01-27-2004 - 12:07am
Big hugs Laura -

I don't have much to tell you - I can't figure it out myself. I do love your babies names though!

You said you talked to your doctor, but do you have a therapist? That really may help you. If for nothing else, it would be good to help you understand what is going on and then help your husband understand. Also, sometimes when I am "stranded" in my bed. I TRY to journal. If you can just write, sometimes you can get things out that you didn't know were inside.

Keep posting and let us know how things are. Try to hug your babies and get good kisses from them. That's what I do with my two year old that I love dearly but drives me crazy and I have a hard time being around him too!

Piruli

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Tue, 01-27-2004 - 12:11am

(((((((Laura))))))), I didn't see anything in what you described to suggest that you are bipolar, but of course I really can't diagnose you.

AcornLeaves